The Mushroom Farm

Mountain Biking - Rail Trail

2009-09-12T18:48:00.002+10:00

The ultimate test of endurance! Mountain biking on the East Gippsland Rail Trail! This was super fun as well as super tiring. Dunno why I just love doing such activities.

Four of us, me, Henry, Huilin and Cihan rented our bikes from Bairnsdale. Then the adventure started. Starting off, I noticed that the trail wasn't exactly very smooth. We cycled past lots of farms and farm animals, some of which stopped eating to watch us.

First stop, Nicholson. There wasn't much to see here, except for a pretty cool bridge which overlooked some great scenery. The architecture of the bridge was cool, some old wooden framework that looked fragile but was sturdy enough for a concrete path to be built on top of it.

Initially it was fun, with us stopping here and there to admire the scenery and animals and what not. Then the pain started. I could feel my butt hurting from sitting on the bike seat and bouncing over the numerous portholes in the dirt track. We were hungry and tired for most of the way to our destination.

And we didn't reach our destination. Hahaha it was past lunchtime by the time we reached Bumberrah. Hoped to get some food at this town, but..... There was no town. Just a cluster of old farm houses and an old railway stop with a sign that proudly proclaimed Bumberrah.

Our planned destination, Bruthen, was still some 10 km away. Plans changed. We opted to deviate from the trail and head to Johnsonville instead. This part was pretty easy, with a newly paved, smooth road to cycle on.

Upon reaching Johnsonville, we quickly dashed into the nearest shop which sold food. Everyone ordered something unhealthy. My artery clogger was a burger with the lot which tasted soooooo good. Yea I was hungry. We also bought Huilin a slice of apple crumble, because me and Cihan found her sitting on a chair outside, staring out into space. She was so tired and zoned out, we were afraid that we might lose her. Hahaha.

The ride back to Nicholson was the most gruelling part of the trip. We had to cycle up slope for a good part of the journey, and I developed cramps in both my legs from the very start. Had to stop and collapse on the ground to rest before continuing. Even then my legs cramped once in a while. Pain. Agony.

We had a pit stop at the bridge before the final lap back. The rest was so good, we chatted and took pictures. And a video on how guys don't actually sit on their balls when they're cycling. We tried to dispel the myth. Hahaha.

The ride back to Bairnsdale was fairly smooth. We met a few people on the way back, including an old couple pruning the bushes. Henry said "Hi" and promptly fell off his bike. He still claims that he had to try to avoid crashing into Huilin. Haha.

Back at Bairnsdale, we made it to the bike shop at 5.17 pm! Just 13 minutes before closing time.

We were so shagged that we had to stop at Coles to buy some stuff to re-hydrate ourselves before the drive back to Melbourne.

What a trip. Looking back at the map, I say we covered about 60 km in total.

=) I must do more of these.

Kayaking!

2009-09-12T18:35:00.002+10:00

Wa this year's rural placement in Bairnsdale is damn ownage. =) the weekends were a blast la, everybody play until damn shag. Hahaha.

The first weekend was devoted to kayaking. We went to Lakes Entrance and then Lake Tyers looking for some kayaking or canoeing. Finally found a small company at Lake Tyers. Rented canoes/kayaks for 7 people. I was the odd one out with a single kayak. But its damn shiok la, powering through the waves by myself! Hahaha good for the ego boost!

But seriously the waves and wind on the way back was no joke. Like some endurance test for the arms, and the waves were like bouncing my kayak up and down. Had to position it perpendicular to the waves to prevent it from being flipped over.

With me were: Darling, Huilin, Cihan, Henry, Greg and Alan.

We crossed the lake several times and landed on the shore to rest/relax. The scenery was good, the sun was out, but it was a bit cold on the lake surface. My toes were numbed from the water and constant wind.

This salt water lake was supposed to have dolphins in it. Being in a single kayak by myself, was damn scary. There were times where I got separated from the others because of the waves, and I paddled really hard to get back because I was afraid that a dolphin would swim over and flip me over for fun. Hahaha safety in numbers la.

Also a lot of pretty jellyfish with the 4 purple rings inside its head. Supposed to be harmless.

Picked out some shells that day, but kinda forgot about them when we finally reached shore. We were soooooo tired.

Drove to a fish and chips shop nearby and just stuffed ourselves. A little bird shit on my arm. Luckily not onto my food. If it really did that, Cihan suggested that I find the bird, and shit on it. Hahaha.

Got a video of Huilin's and Henry's reactions when they finally got to savour their first french fry after the canoeing.

Would I do it again? Hell yea. Hahaha

Birthday Boy!

2009-08-19T18:28:00.002+10:00

Mmmmmm... really enjoyed my birthday party at lazy moe. Haha such a stupid name for a restaurant. Thanks darling for the massage too. Mmmm waking up by myself this afternoon, I suddenly realised how much of my life u filled up, and how empty it is without you in it.

Thanks for the super big card too. Haha that was really cool.

And the presents! Will people stop giving me stuffed toys! hahaha I got no more space to put them. And when I put them in my cupboard Jasmin scolds me for soft-toy abuse. But I love them all still. Glad to know what people think of when they think of me.

Hahaha and the tie and cufflinks. Super nice! Would never have bought them for myself. Thanks girls!

Ooh my sister came for the dinner too! That fat squirt. And my mum's coming down again on Saturday. Sigh. I'm actually really lucky, but I somehow always feel that someone else other than be should be given all these blessings. Like someone more vulnerable or needy or emotional and stuff... Like I kinda feel that such good things are wasted on me, because I don't tend to feel as needy as others blah blah blah... dunno la, but its good anyways because my sister loves to see family more often.

Kaez good luck everyone for the upcoming exams!

StarCraft 2

2009-08-02T02:46:00.002+10:00

Ooooh the excitement! Starcraft 2 is to be released by the end of the year! Or maybe later. Hahaha recently got hit by waves of anticipation for the game to be released. Was one of my favourites when I was young. Mmmmm. Don't know how many times I've been to the official site just to watch the battle reviews and read up on the new units available. Lol I'm such a geek la. Who cares right? Guys will always be guys.

Mmm really tired. Shivani's 21st birthday party was awesome. So nice, and everyone was so well-dressed! Except me. Again. Hahaha but that's me.

A few random observations! 1. Surprisingly, Huilin dances really well! For a girl who doesn't really go clubbing.... mmmm really hot! Hahaha 2. Sarah looked really pretty in her dress and hat, playing the piano. Hahaha Poor Christl was trying to get a shot of her but failed... 3. It was nice of Frank when he asked me if I was alright. He caught me alone by the balcony staring at the beach and came out to talk to me. 4. Rachel looked like some elegant china tai tai. Hahaha in a good way of course! 5. Darren.... dunno what to think of him.... gave me his complementary drink coupon just like that.

My mummy is 51 years old!

2009-07-22T23:25:00.003+10:00

Lol mummy's birthday coming up soon! Time to go about fixing up my present.

Results Galore! Did well for everything except formative OSCE! Luckily its formative! And it really sucks, I missed the fourth quartile by 1 mark. ZZZZ I've never gotten something even close to the third quartile before.

Started on the CBP powerpoint presentation, so that's good.

Wished I did better for the end-of-semester paper, but oh wells, I did do pretty well already. I just felt that I should have scrapped up something 100 and above.

Ah and my sister tried fencing yesterday! Seems like she enjoyed it, she's coming back for more on Friday I think. Mmmm And I was so flat out after fencing yesterday, even 8 hours of sleep that night didn't really help me feel better. Good stuff, got to use the club's only pistol grip foil. Insane la, it was so nice and delicate. Hahah and I've still got the moves! LOLOL.

Boyfriend Replacement Therapy.

2009-07-22T23:03:00.002+10:00

Apparently having a boyfriend also means free company whenever you have excess time. Very easily obtained and definitely very easily replaceable. Just like tonight!

At first I thought it was the rain.... then I thought maybe you were tired.... I've become too naive after a while. Its always like that with girlfriends, they never tell you who they wanna meet, especially when they know its someone you don't really want them to meet.

Really strange that people know exactly when to call you out for drinks! Its like telepathy, somehow they know where you are... super convenient. Another theory could be that everything was obviously pre-arranged.

Still being played like a sucker, just like my first did to me. Funnily enough, the only girlfriend I didn't feel this way with was the one I played with and dumped.

How do guys become players? Bastards that use girls, dump them and move on? One way as I've found out, is because they have been treated the same way themselves. The cause of such behaviour is the target of such behaviour! Interesting, now that I've sat back and thought about it. Simply put: Girls maybe the ones who create guys who treat them like shit.

Guess you're gonna spend Saturday alone just like you've always wanted unless you can explain yourself and evidence of behavioural change is seen.

Lol I love medicalising stuff.

The Dawn of a new Era.

2009-07-19T18:20:00.003+10:00

Semester 2.

Already endocrinology notes are out on blackboard. Nearly everyone is back from the holidays and Jon is cooking fish downstairs. The good old life is back again!

Gaaaa I wanna start school and get everything going as quickly as possible. It suddenly dawned unto me that we're almost done with lectures and tutorials. The 'real' stuff is starting soon at the hospitals.

Man... miss my darling already. For the last 4 days and 3 nights I have been going to sleep and waking up in her arms. LOL damn shiok la. Open my eyes first thing I see is Jasmin snoring beside me. Haiz. Back to staying over only on the weekends.

Huilin and her new hairstyle. Haha she looks damn chio now, except that she keeps pinning up her hair which makes her look sooooooo aunty. Hiaz. I think darker hair colours looks better on her.

Mummy and sissy coming back tonight. Hope to see mummy before she leaves for China again.

Ah ha. And a new plan to surprise my daddy when he next comes to Melbourne! Need Jasmin to help me with some information. Gonna force it out of her. Hahaha. Interrogation just like in Taken.

"Excuse me miss, are u here on holiday?"

"Me too! Oh hey the cabs here are very expensive! Wanna share?"

Hahahaha Darling doesn't wanna go backpacking anymore now. LOL

The Conversation that Transpired on 15/7/09

2009-07-15T20:08:00.001+10:00

Proof that girls are just waiting to be unleashed.... hahaha

haha does sex mean so much in our relationship

ill kick you aside

YES

AWESOME just what i wanted to hear =DDDDD

lub u baby

Back with a Smile.

2009-07-15T19:51:00.001+10:00

Hey Monash Meddies! Guess who's back!

Back to own all of you for yet another semester! =D

And this time with a bigger smile than ever. =D =D =D

The Plan is Durian.

2009-07-13T21:19:00.002+10:00

Frog leg porridge at Geylang then durians by the street side. I'm determined to try those orange ones that everyone talks about.

Woah today was damn shiok. Absolutely nothing to do... bum around the house, went to West mall for lunch, (pig kidney mee sua), went to the library to browse books, bought 2 cheap VCDs. Hahaha I'm turning into a heartland uncle.

Primeval was for my own viewing pleasure. Nobody around here appreciates such cheap flicks anymore. B-grade thriller movies, now a thing of the past. Zzzz.

Pirates of the Caribbean! Part 3... that's for my dad and sister to watch tonight. They've been talking about a movie night so... Needed something childish enough for the both of them, yet blockbuster enough to justify the cost of the CD. Hahaha.

Need to borrow a book at the library tomorrow. Hmmmm.

Insane? You haven't seen nothing yet!

2009-07-13T02:40:00.004+10:00

Woohoo! Finished the first of my optional assignments! One less piece of work to worry about next semester. Pity I don't think I'll be able to complete the other by the end of the holidays. Or can I? Hahaha I really wanna enjoy the remaining days left before school starts. Yet I really want that head start over the others. Heh.

3 days left till I board the plane. After that its another 3 days left till school reopens. Mmmm. Technically I've got only 2 totally free days left till mummy comes home and takes charge of my life again. Son! Got pack your underwear into the bag or not? You need extra toothpaste? I got 10 tubes for you to bring. Need lens solution or not? Jasmin give you some right? I also wanna give you some! Nah take this extra jacket so you can wear it in the shower in case you feel cold.

Lol I love my mummy la. And my daddy. These few days he has been so great. Travelling around the island eating at places I wanna go. I can tell he has been really enjoying the past few dinners with my sister and me. Sometime I can sense when he really wants to have something, and I subtly give in to him. Hahaha he deserves it la that fat man. Like my mummy says, as long as when he opens the kitchen cabinet, "FOOD!" is there then can already. Hahaha hope he can come over and visit soon again in Melbourne, I wanna cook my new and improved rosemary lamb for him. The secret is to put water in the bottom tray so that the meat doesn't dry up!!! Hahaha I wanna cook with Jasmin again. So fun.

Miss my darling girl so! Wanna give her a tummy rub. Hahaha wrestle with her and then hug her to sleep. Mmmm waking up in the morning and smelling her scent is the best!

Oh i mean SMELL.

Optional ?!?

2009-07-10T05:11:00.002+10:00

I just spent the last 3 hours doing my optional assignment!!! Yea I can't believe it myself. Its my freaking holiday and I'm working as though its due tomorrow. Better slow down haha.

Mmmm I really miss my darling Jasmin. Miss snuggling with her at night and all her tight hugs. Haiz that fat little monster, will get so see her soon! =D Lub you darling!

Too Soon.

2009-07-09T00:35:00.002+10:00

Too soon the holidays will be over... yet another semester of chionging. Hope to finish my optional assignments before the holidays are over... lighten the load a little. Hmmm just starting to feel like I'm finally settling into the holiday. Too bad its nearly the end.

Checked out the new place, and I've got to say my mum scored yet another great buy. Don't know how come she has a knack for picking out these things. Nicely laid out for a 5 roomer. Hmmm don't think I'll be moving in anytime soon though... going back next week. Haiz.

Hmmm life in the years ahead certainly looks better now. At least finding a place next year won't be much of a problem. =D

Don't make me carry your shit around.

2009-07-05T01:07:00.002+10:00

Sometimes you're right. I fucking really don't care anymore. I'm tired of your unreasonable and half-baked accusations that I don't care. I'm tired of proving to you that I do. You don't remember any of the good stuff I've done for you anyways. The fact that you can make such tiresome and childish whims just goes to show that you've never thought through the life you've had. The goodness in it, and how life would be like when I'm gone. Fuck this alright, I'm SICK AND TIRED OF FEELING LIKE EVERY LITTLE THING THAT UPSETS YOU IS MY FAULT.

I don't need this kinda shit from you, especially from you. Not after what I've done for you. And if you're still asking yourself what so great about the things I've done for you, then please really, stop wasting both our time.

You are just about the most insecure girl I've ever met. And stop blaming it on the fact that you want to rely on someone for life. These are separate ideas altogether. I can be the most reliable person on earth and you will STILL feel LONELY, INSECURE and UNLOVED.

Do you really want to know why I take so long to reply to such messages??? To stop myself from getting pissed off and saying mean stuff to you. The last straw was asking me to fly home early. OMG. Obviously zero thinking there, zero memory activation. And you say that I don't remember important stuff.

Face it. Just because you tend to feel more insecure and lonely than other girls, DOES NOT equate to me being uncaring and un-loving. Now is the perfect time to think your life over, because I'm not going to let you insecurities weigh me down. I have a great family, great education, great results, great fencing potential and great friends. All the time I have given you, is all the time I can give you. My results are NOT going to suffer just because someone else's boyfriend has done "blah blah blah" for your friend and I have not. Bullshit, feed that conversation to the dogs. Firstly I can just about think of as many things someone else's girlfriend has done for my guy friends that you've not done for me. Secondly, why should I care? Its not as if they can be as good a medical student as I am. Yea I say this with pride. Nobody is on par with me until I say so myself.

Next time I suggest you think twice before starting a conversation with yet another "You don't care!", before I really don't.

This place sucks.

2009-07-04T18:28:00.002+10:00

Why the heck did I come home for? Travel for 7 hours on a plane to experience crappy hot weather, catch a cold which triggered off my asthma, spend days on facebook and having absolutely nothing to do. On top of that the people who are back wanna just bum at home. Zzzz. 3 weeks in Singapore just to tighten up my braces.

Anyways, Left for Dead is an awesome game. Hahaha keep wanting to go out and play it with friends. Have and always will be a computer addict, haha though being in medicine really helps me with my self-control. What's wrong with being one of the hundred of Ah Bengs at LAN shops who spend days in front of flickering computer screens mindlessly shooting at virtual targets? They still enjoy themselves right? Compared to "educated" and "disciplined" medicine students who prefer to spend their holidays at home "relaxing" and letting off pent-up stress. Hahaha weird mentality my mum and friends share. Sitting at home feeling cooped up and "bo liao" = the more "educated" and less "neighbourhood ah beng" way of enjoying holidays? Hahaha I JUST WANNA BE A NEIGHBOURHOOD AH BENG MED STUDENT! Cannot ah? KNNBCCB! ahaha I love the way the ah beng's say that. Somehow I can't really say it the way they do. So fluent and full of character. LOL

Nothing to live for except waiting for friends to call and play lan. Then at the end of the trip remove braces. What else? Go out with friends? Got go out la, but how many times a week can you go out with your past classmates?

Aiya I wanna go back to Melbourne and study la. Life was not as pointless back then. Hahaha Can't wait for clinical years. I'm sure I'll have a blast!

Fun.

2009-06-30T21:19:00.002+10:00

The fun has started.

Yesterday, played LAN for 6 hours. Hahaha the new game Left for Dead is insane! Its really really fun, especially when you play it with friends. Its the first game I've played that allows you to finish missions with friends. Graphics were excellent, and the zombie hordes were overwhelming. Hahaha. Dota followed, and I've got to say, I'm still not bad at it! Hahaha haven't really lost my skills after all these years. Can't say the same for Henry though. LOL.

Great chicken rice dinner opposite Paradiz Centre afterwards.

Today was rock climbing! Bouldering to be specific. Hahah I've lost much of my climbing strength. Could still remember the technical stuff, but I'm very rusty. Without the strength and endurance I used to have, I could only do simple routes. Still was surprised that I could still climb after all these years! Like my shoes fit, I knew how to place my feet, and I could still grip tougher handholds. Maybe somethings you just don't lose, even over time. Glad to see Bernard, who still climbs actively. Boy, he's much stronger now. Saw him doing some jaw-dropping routes. Luckily I can say that I'll own him at fencing LOL.

Poor Jon had 2 big blisters on his hands after climbing. Apparently he found the sport much tougher than expected, but I hope he enjoyed himself today. =D

Next aim, pull my sister into fencing with me. How cool would that be?

Guess who's back?

2009-06-26T00:46:00.002+10:00

Touchdown! Freaking tired, barely slept properly in 2 days. Transformers 2 was a blast. Should catch it again on the big screen soon.

Had Teo Chew porridge for dinner, and it was as good as I remembered it to be. Mmmmmm.

Had a lovely chat with my parents, something great has happened, and I've really happy for them. Now there's just one more little obstacle in the way, and the plan will be complete! =D

Thanks to God for blessing our family with so much!

Loving the hot, humid weather here, feels good to be back and having a proper break. Man, all I remembered was non-stop studying. Gaaaa.

Miss my fattie. Hope she has fun in Tasmania!

Exam finish already lah.

2009-06-23T17:27:00.002+10:00

Yea! Putting on my best Singaporean accent, preparing to go hooooooooome! Hahaha Plane flight home tomorrow morning, but first...... TRANSFORMERS! Wooooo. We're watching it a Chapel Street. Hope the movie is a blast. It'll put a good end to the exams.

This exam paper ah. Wah lao. One of the toughest papers I've had in med school. I could do all the questions, but I felt that with a little extra time, my answers could be better. My gut feeling on this paper is.... I can still get a HD on this one, but if there comes a time where I finally can't get a HD, this would be it. You know, that not here not there kinda feeling. Like when you discuss with friends, you seem to have got lots of questions correct. Yet as time goes by, you discover more and more mistakes. Not gaps in knowledge, simply no existing knowledge about a concept. Hmmmm. Yea I'll manage to get one this time. I think.

Thanks be to God for helping me study everything on time. Like I was thinking of leaving out all the stuff in the first half of the semester. But on the last day of my studying, I covered so much stuff that would have been on the paper the next day. Like how I spent 2 hours on Respiratory physiology, and so much of that stuff came out. Like how I spent 10 minutes reading Rawson's neurology stuff, and like 3-4 questions came out. Like.... its scary to think that, if I had been slightly lazy, just slightly, and decide not to do all that crap, 10 marks gone. Those 10 marks could have easily been mine, if I had spent 10 minutes the day before revising.

Insane right, come to think about it. Henry helped me this exam, just like he did last exam. Globus pallidus! Haha thanks man. You're the reason why I went over to Jasmin's place and quickly did the Rawson stuff. Lol Life saver.

Ok lah. Going for fencing already lah! Cya at home OK? Lol yea Singlish.

Argh.

2009-06-15T18:38:00.002+10:00

Its exam time again, and I'm duly stressed. There's that same old suffocating feeling that I'm not studying widely enough or hard enough. And feelings of nostalgia and loneliness always creep in as well.

Haiz. I keep trying to count down to exams, make myself feel a little more motivated blah blah blah, and yea, it works. Like can I study harder and longer, but the work never ends. The more I file finished work, the more I keep digging up work in little corners of the room that I have to do. Hmmmm, how how how. And I wanna fence again. But its a Monday today. Moan-day.

I need to start revising renal tonight. I hate those notes like that Sleep Apnoea shit that's in the grey area. Do you or do you not cover them? And Embryology. 1 set of notes = 3 hours of reading and understand = 1 question in the exams.

I feel like suddenly doing weird stuff like taking long walks in the middle of the night, just to relieve stress. Hahah maybe that's why I've been going to Jasmin's place so often.

Need to go over and give her a tummy rub. Hahaha.

Buttons.

2009-06-13T03:53:00.002+10:00

Just watched the show "The curious case of Benjamin Button".

Sad show.... makes me think about the ones I love, and how things never last.

I wanna be with my parents. I will go down to the city tomorrow and spend some time with them.

Hope I will one day have the courage to tell them how much I love them, face to face. Using SMS to express love is such a sad thing to do.

Need to treasure what I have, make precious memories and relationships.

Mmmm. Good show.... its late... needa sleep.

Love my dearest Jasmin.... hope she'll never leave me.

Last Day of School!

2009-06-12T15:01:00.002+10:00

Weeee. School has officially ended for the semester. Just came back from my PCL party! Will miss Dr. Mahen after he returns to Sri Lanka because he's a really good tutor. Hope I get an equally good tutor next semester.

Hui lin's birthday party yesterday night was awesome. Hahaha definitely one of my most enjoyable nights spent in Melbourne. The costumes people turned up in was hilarious. Frank was a sumo, Chris as a Japanese school girl, Henry and Desmond as Pikachu and its owner whatever his name is. Hahaha my favourite pair. Lol I thought Jon did a really good impression of Spiderman and a ninja worrior too. Darren looked pretty cool in his kendo outfit.

Mmmm and the food being passed around was really awesome, especially the birthday cake which tasted of Ferrero Rocher and was soooo smooth inside. Not to forget Clara's how do u spell it muah-chee?

Excellent way to spend the rest of the night post OSCEs.

OSCE Practice!

2009-06-10T19:29:00.002+10:00

Mmm just spent a whole afternoon practising for the upcoming OSCE at Jasmin's place. Was really fun, and I'm glad I went. Learnt new stuff, revised the old, and it made me feel more confident.

Oooh before I forget! The rosemary lamb I cooked for my mum and sister turned out almost perfect! The secret is to fill the bottom tray with water, so that the oven does not dry out the lamb! Argh, the only drawback was that the portion was too little. Should have listened to my small fattie. Loved the soup she cooked, especially with the beancurd skin thingies she put it. Mmmmm my favourite la. Anyways both my mum and sister seemed to enjoy it so I guess it was a success.

Gotta get the study going! Hope this won't be another repeat of the mid-semester. Come to think of it, every exam I studied for has been like the mid-semester exam. Procrastinate until no time left to finish everything. Why am I so lazy. Hmmmm. Furthermore my parents are coming down tomorrow, and they're staying right smack in the middle of the city! Really feel like joining them for a night, especially because I haven't seen my daddy for so long.

The countless nights I spent walking to and fro to Jasmin's house, in the freezing cold and rain, in the middle of the night and with a hole in my shoe..... sigh. What was I thinking. Hahaha.

Need to bitch about my house. It feels too overcrowded already. And its way to noisy than it should be. I really hate all those visitors we've been getting, they just never shut up and go away. And dinner seems to be getting later and later each day.

Anyways! Who cares right? I am the Mushroom! Lol. Which reminds me of the soft toy Jasmin picked up. I want it la.. so cute. I'll hang it on my bag. Haha

Mmmm miss my darling Jasmin! Love waking up beside her in the mornings and then snuggling and cuddling until I really really really have to get up.

Kaez I really hope the chicken is done. Grrr I'm so hungry already.

CBP Crunch Time.

2009-06-05T01:08:00.002+10:00

So stressed the past few days! Feel so much more relieved to have gotten it out of the way. Well only the first part of it, but still!

Owe my sister one. Was so stressed last night, couldn't really celebrate her birthday with her. Maybe I'll organise something this weekend.

Hmmmmm got to go get some sleep. Another long day tomorrow. Wish mummy will bring me more pineapple tarts next trip. =D

Hunger & Sex.

2009-05-17T19:09:00.002+10:00

Think about hunger and sex. Both are common needs experienced by men and women alike. But wanting to eat food is all right, but wanting sex is a no-no! Its taboo! Whisper it behind closed doors, talk about it amongst close friends, but out in the open, SHUT the hell up about sex! You can't speak about the topic! No one feels comfortable talking about it, or even listening to a discussion about sex. Why?

Embarrassed about sex? Why not embarrassed about eating? WHO taught you that you need not be embarrassed about hunger but must be embarrassed about sex?

I know a girl who lives near me who almost everyday runs to the doorstep of my house and screams out her passion for food for the whole world to hear. Nobody really feels uncomfortable about that, I just wished that the walls were a little thicker. Wonder what the reaction would be if I went around doing the exact same, but screaming out my love for sex instead?

Why why why is sex so wrong wrong wrong? Is gluttony not as evil a sin as lust? Why is gluttony so readily accepted in society but not lust?

Again, skewed perceptions passed down generation to generation, mindlessly taught to our youths and memorised by millions.

Everybody knows, but nobody knows why.

Sex, Marriage & Adultery

2009-05-17T18:13:00.002+10:00

First things first, let me try to sort some things out. From what I know, the Bible says that adultery need not be sex, adultery is simply being unfaithful in the mind. Like when you're married and you look at a woman, and you picture yourself in bed with her, that's adultery. Acts of unfaithfulness, not restricted to the physical. Surfing porn would fall into this category. So would marrying a woman, realising that she's too fat, divorcing her and then marrying a more petite lady.

Easy, clear-cut cases. How about the following few:

1.) Marrying a woman, not loving her at all, never slept with her, no kids, no relationship whatsoever. For example forced marriages. If you divorce, and remarry, is that adultery? Don't you need to be in a "real" relationship with someone in the first place for adultery to happen? Singles can commit adultery, because no matter how brief or shallow their interaction is with their partners, a level of relationship existed between both parties. What if you've never had any thoughts, feelings or intimacy with your "forced marriage partner"

2.) Surfing porn. What if you just surf porn purely for sexual relief? Like how guys need to feed their sexual appetite once in a while or everything will sort of seem off. I mean, if there's no use for porn and its so evil and its a path to many other vices, shouldn't we ban porn everywhere? Even in Singapore, there's no real control over access to pornographic websites. I'm sort of under the opinion that they're around because we need them. Guys need them for sexual relief once in a while, or else they'll turn to more "evil" sources. Like prostitution and rape. Its sort of providing the community with a lesser evil to replace a greater evil you don't want happening. Keeps crime rates under control, and you can't stop access to porn sites because millions are created daily.

Back to the topic! So why do guys keep surfing porn? Its addictive, yes, but only because it grows from a "need". Like smoking, drugs, gambling blah blah blah. First time you surf porn or smoke or try drugs, a "need" no matter how big, gets established inside you. Subsequent times the need gets stronger and stronger until you need the stimulant at regular intervals in your life. So when you need to surf porn, and you just do it for sexual relief..... is that adultery? You can't remember any of the girl's faces you've just seen, like 1 minute after surfing porn. You've got zero relationship with the girls. You've done nothing physical with the girls. All you need from them is to help you with sexual relief. And that's all you want, that's all you take from them. No more fantasying about them later etc. I feel its wrong, I know its wrong to surf porn because it stimulates demand and exploitation etc, but who tells you that porn is wrong in the first place. Your parents, and then their parents their teachers their this their that their everyone. Everyone learns that its wrong from someone else. So who was the first one who said that its wrong? When you ask someone if porn is good or bad... They say bad! YAY clap clap clap. Who told them its bad? Their parents. Who told their parents? Grandparents. Blah blah blah.

We've learnt something, without questioning WHY it is taught that way! Adultery is the real reason why porn is bad. But the links are missing. How does surfing porn purely for sexual relief related to adultery? And if you can't surf porn, what other acceptable avenues exist for you to gain sexual relief? Maybe when you stop surfing porn, the need for sexual relief disappears. What if it doesn't? Then what? Get married to avoid needing sex and thereby committing adultery?

3.) From the bible, I understand that adultery covers a wider range of topics that just sex. From most of society's point of view (which tends to be very narrow and confounded by multiple influences eg. culture, education), adultery is and tends to involve sex with another person outside marriage. I mean, you don't see a single guy having sex with a different girl every week and say that he's committing adultery. You say that he's sleeping around. On the other hand, when you see a husband sleeping around behind his wife's back, ah! then we say he's committing adultery. In society, adultery is overly associated with marriage. But that's only my view, and that's only because I'm a Christian. What is adultery to non-Christians?

Perception! Again, people taught us how to think, and how to interpret situations. People think they know what adultery is and is not. But its not so clear. It has different meanings for different people, and it varies between religions, races, cultures. My view of adultery is a narrow-minded and stilted as yours!

4.) Intercourse is penetrative sex. Lets put aside all that oral and anal shit. Adultery is committed in the mind. Can you have intercourse without it being adultery? Which is worse, fantasying about a woman, and imaging having sex with her, or when your having sex with a prostitute in the dark. You've no feelings for the prostitute, say your mind is clear (you're thinking about work) and you're just going through the motions. I know that scientifically that's impossible, but is it adultery then? When you can separate the physical (sex) from the psychological (adultery)? Say a person is brain dead, and someone has sex with him, (its possible to unconsciously stimulate a person) is that adultery? Hmmm. Again, the right answer is YES! Everyone screams yes and then the whole room keeps quite when asked to explain why.

Please don't be confused by my thoughts, because I'm one of those people who have been brainwashed about the rights and wrongs in life, but not know why. Simply asking why is right right and why is wrong wrong opens pandora's box on what is really right or wrong.

Beefy Bonus.

2009-05-10T18:39:00.003+10:00

Friday

This weekend is just perfect. The darling came back on Friday, and we went out to the Glenn to buy back some goodies for dinner. Missed her so much, nearly spent the whole night pinching her cheeks and beating her backside. Hahaha.

Saturday

This day was power-packed. So much stuff happened in one day. So much fun stuff I might add. Okay, so we woke up really late on Saturday morning, and happened to see Lionel lurking around the living room. So we asked him along for lunch at Springvale, the legendary beef noodles! The plan was to go straight to Doncaster after lunch for a bit of window shopping and then maybe a movie.

Lunch was goodie goodie as usual. This time I ordered without a menu. Time to step out of my comfort zone. The beef slices were especially tender and chewy today, just the way I liked them done! Mmmmmm. Beef helping no. 1 today.

After lunch, we decided that the shops at Doncaster might be closed already, as it was nearly 5 pm. Bummer, that sucked. So a quick change of plans, and we were off to the city. Alighted at Melbourne Central for a movie, the breath-holding, seat grabbing Fast and Furious. Goodness, the race scenes there were literally "don't have time to breath that kind". Hahaha. I was actually taking deeper breaths after each race scene, so yea, even if the movie didn't score points for the plot or acting, the race scenes more than made up for it. I personally loved the last part of the show, where Vin Diesel rammed his car into the baddie's stomach. After the guy was dead, Vin Diesel called him a pussy and stepped out of the car. The way he did it was hilarious. Lol.

Anyways, pussy calling aside, we then scooted over to Lygon street of dinner! Same old good Italian place, but this time, all of us ordered thick slabs of steak. Mmmm. Mine was a little too well-done actually. But it tasted good with the lemon and fries. Porterhouse steak with lemon, if I remembered the name correctly. Beefy meal no. 2 for today. We were so stuffed. Oh yea, and we had a good time at dinner too! One of the nicest I've had, where conversation flowed freely.

Then my darling monster felt a huge magnet pulling her stomach down the street. She didn't even try to resist it. Instead, she ran, shit no i mean sprinted towards its source. Freddo's ice-cream again. Lionel had one too, that closet fattie. Everyone but me had an ice-cream. After I saw Jasmin's waist, I had an I scream too.

Lol. Pui pui, Lionel and me caught the train home. We were so stuffed, couldn't think of anything to say on the way back. Just snoozed till we reached Clayton.

Mmmm if only all Saturdays were like this one.

Sunday

Went to church in the morning, and in the afternoon, took a nap with darling before having to see her off again. =( So sad sia, miss her so much now. Waited in the doorway till she was gone from my vision before I headed upstairs again. Ooooh, its Mother's Day today too. Sent mummy a message wishing her well, and asking her to skype tonight!

Love you mummy, stay healthy and happy, and don't work so hard! Muacks. Wanna hold your hand and take long walks into the night with you again. Thanks for all the wisdom you've taught me, and for bringing me up and sending me here. Love you now and always.

Cold & Lonely Little Mushroom.

2009-05-05T19:57:00.003+10:00

Down with a cold for the past 2 days. Bummer, was hoping to enjoy the urban week and doing some extra studying and fencing. Oh well...

CBP has been great so far. First day of CBP, we went to this posh Italian restaurant for luncheon. It was in celebration of mother's day, particularly mother's of children with Thalassaemia major. This week also happened to be International Thalassaemia week. Louisa kindly asked her bosses if TA could pay for our lunch, and YES! Ownage, free lunch at this super nice restaurant... Must bring Jasmin there... I had a poppy-seed coated Dory, with warm potatoes, and it was so tender, so soft, so heavenly... By the way, we spent the whole day having lunch there. =D Beat that.

Second day of CBP, we went driving around the suburbs, visiting blood donation centres. We had "thank you" sessions there, and one of the donors Louisa spoke too cried when she heard of Louisa's story and how she had been receiving blood since she was 9 months old. These sessions enabled blood donors to put a face to the recipients of their blood products, and well, it touches them to see that their efforts were actually making a difference in people's lives. Cool stuff. We went to Doncaster shopping centre for lunch. Amazing. Its a huge, upscale, posh and brand-new shopping centre, built to attract the upper-middle class Victorians. Food there was really expensive, but my Indian food tasted close to the real thing. Lots of renown shopping brands had opened outlets there, and there was probably a huge cinema and entertainment centre upstairs even though we didn't get a chance to see it. The things I do on my CBP...

The darling's in Bendigo, and enjoying herself too! She was impressed with the Sacred Heart Cathedral, I knew she would be. Second nicest cathedral I've been too. The best was the Christchurch Cathedral in New Zealand. Hmmmm I have a thing for cathedrals....

Anyways, I miss her pudgy little ass, feel quite lonely without seeing her everyday. But, she'll probably be coming back on the weekend! So woohoo! Beef noodles with my darling again I suppose. Looking forward to the next Urban week. With just two days of CBP for the entire week, it looks promising.

Also looking forward to my clinical skills tutorials this week! ;) Hehehe. The licence to be naughty.

Alright, Henry's back, dinner will be ready soon. Something else to put into my mouth aside from panadol pills. Zzzzz.

Lubba you Jasmin!

Late Night Craziness.

2009-04-28T22:44:00.002+10:00

Had an awesome CBP session today. Our coordinator Louisa, was very hyped about our presence at Thalassaemia Australia, and had already drafted the rational, a whole bunch of research questions, and aims for our CBP project. So choosing a CBP project to do was a walk in a park. We modified the rational, chose a few research questions to answer, and did up the aims right. Ta-Da! Suddenly we had a concise overall picture of our research project, clearly stating its aims and goals. Really useful indeed. Then we did up a survey for people enquiring about Thalassaemia over the phone. In one hour. Insane I tell you. The amount of work we did today. Did I mention that I even got my learning goals done on the same day. Right after coming home from CBP. O.o

Fencing was great. It was exhausting. I fenced one of the club's top fencers Epee. And I lost 13-15. Zzzzz. But I was really fencing all out. And he was kinda toying with me. Lol. But I did make some really good hits, some so good I even surprised myself. Mark praised some of those hits, and gave me tips on how to get better. Damn shiok. That's what I call real fencing. I always wanna fence the best and lose. What's the point of fencing the same old beginners over and over again, and winning? You'll never learn, and you'll still be shit. Sigh... I'm not complaining, but most of the club members are like that, including my dear friend Lionel, and week after week I can see myself beating the shit out of them. Zzzzzz. Some one please get better and beat me up.

Scooting over to Darling's place now.... crazy, I know, its a weekday and its almost 11 pm. But I did make some promises to her before the exams to stay over at her place after the exams were over, and I feel like I've been neglecting her a fair bit. Then again I just can't bring myself to get started on work tonight. CBP must have drained me. Towards the end of CBP the coordinator was basically just talking to me, and my brain had to digest all her questions and ideas and match her viewpoints for hours. My partner had drifted away into lala land after the discussion extended past lunch time.

Better get my life back on track soon... I know how I've been able to be successful in so many aspects of my life, academic studies, sports, family, friends, relationships and personal time. The key to balancing it all is time management. This is a skill many others do not possess, and hence they are naturally less successful. Once I let this balance tip over, it'll be hard to get it back on track. I have to do certain things at certain times of the day, on certain days of the week. Period. No questions asked, no to everything else.

Tonight, I'll break this rule for my Darling, and also to reward myself post-exams. I realised that I haven't really pampered myself for studying so hard. Shit man. Inhuman.

Post-Exams.

2009-04-26T16:40:00.002+10:00

The after exam lull has been almost perfect. Got a lot of back-logged things done this weekend, including getting a new toner, printing past lecture notes, and getting my hair cut! Short and spiky (if I bother to gel it up...) as usual. Feels good to be able to feel the wind between my scalp and ears once more.

Played poker with chips on Friday, and hmmmm it looks as if I've finally controlled my gambling impulses. Or maybe its because no money was involved. But I didn't give a shit about how much I won, and guess what... I won everything. Freak la why never play money.

Met up with Si Han and Si Qi's parents on Friday night for dinner.... Went to the Glenn for dinner, some Chinese restaurant. Food was not too bad, quite good actually. The fish was surprisingly fresh, and my uncle kept feeding me portions of it. I liked the roasted items too, good on Si Han for getting them. Slurp.

Spent much of yesterday with the Darling, at Springvale, Clayton and Glenn. Yea, sure as hell covered a lot of ground. The standard weekly bowl of beef noodles at Springvale again, then its down to Clayton to get my toner and a carton of eggs, and then to Glenn for my haircut and grocery shopping. Then its back to my house for some SPC chionging and dinner. Following which, we had study buddy at Darling's place, and then spent the rest of the night playing Hearts with Huilin and Christine.

Ownage. Talk about a packed day.

So here I am now, sitting at my desk, finished clearing all, I mean all, my backlog of stuff to do, and pondering about the future to come. This here would be another starting point. A whole new half a semester of stuff to learn, to do.

Oh yea, I finally went to church today. Sat by myself at the pews, but I was alright. Sort of keeping my end of my promise to God. Help me finish studying everything, and do very well for this exam, and I will go to church the same week. God did answer my prayers, and yea I went to church. I hope I'll find the resolve to continue this habit in the long run.

SPC is such a pain. CBP will probably be worse. Ah what the heck. I'll get it done soon, just need a few more sources to back up my work.

Love my darling, she's the best in my eyes. Fat little baby rolling around in her big room. I should call her now. =D

Work Life Balance. I want to have everything. The only thing stopping me is myself.

My Fat little baby ran away again.

2009-04-15T19:09:00.002+10:00

My fat baby ran away from home after her run. =( Hmmmm I'm sad because I miss studying with her. When I next see her I'm gonna beat her backside.

Baby's face is getting chubbier and chubbier. Now when I squeeze her cheeks together she looks so cute! Hahaha like how babies look when they still have their baby fat around their cheeks. I read somewhere that the reason why babies have so much fat in their cheeks is because important cheek muscles such as the Buccinator are not yet fully developed, and the cheeks need to be turgid enough to keep food from collecting in the space between the cheeks and teeth. Mmmm maybe that's why darling is growing fatter. Natural response for her need for more food. Because food is passing through the mouth so quickly, there is less time for mouth muscles to work, hence the development of accessory organs (fatty cheeks) to compensate for increased food intake and passage.

Anyways all that just means I get to pinch her cheeks more.

Feeling satisfied with myself at the moment. Finished 3 sets of lecture notes this afternoon. 3 more to go at night. Hmmm.

Have to pick up darling from her lavish abode after dinner. Hmmm time to grab the baby back.

Crunch Time.

2009-04-14T01:12:00.002+10:00

Exams are coming, the mugging has begin. Day 2 and I'm picking up the pack steadily. Hope I can maintain it till exams come. Darling has been coming over to study, and it really helps me keep my focus on the work. Whenever she's around, I have to study and that's a good thing. =D

Except for some of her irritating habits, like making this weird popping sound when she unconsciously snaps her jaws together, she's alright as a study partner. Oh did I mention that she loves to flip her notes endlessly after finishing a page, and it irritates the hell out of me. Like after every page, she flips the entire chapter to see how many pages more to go. Then starts on a new page. Repeat cycle for the remaining chapter. Hahaha feel like telling her, freaking just read the thing and stop wasting time wondering how much more to go.

Parents just left Melbourne, and I'm missing them a little already. Spent the beginning of the mid-semester holidays with them, had a ball of a time. Went house viewing, went to Port Aurthur, spent a day cooking dinner for them with Jasmin. Really relaxing good stuff.

Love the houses I've seen. Really impressive interior designs and beauty. Most of them are deceiving from the way they look on the outside. Rundown, humble on the exterior, well-renovated and lavish on the interior.

Port Aurthur was an absolute delight to visit. Great views of the surrounding sea from Mr. Gomez's beach house atop the hill. Lovely comfy place, from which to spend the day eating fish and chips and exploring the surrounding towns. We had dinner there, and I loved the dinner topics and company. Really hope we get together sometime soon.

Rosemary Lamb. My first try at it, and it tasted fine, but was a little too hard by the time it was done. I was unsure of the time to leave it in the oven, so I had to cut it up multiple times to check. Ah well, everyone except mummy seemed to enjoy it so...

Stayed at the Quest serviced apartments at Chapel Street. Lovely spacious place, it was a really nice pad from which to travel around Melbourne or just laze around. I was absolutely glued to the plasma TV, and I can't rememeber how many hours I spent in front of it catching old movies. Man, that was the life.

Anyways, have to say it was a great start to my Easter holidays. Now its time to get back into business. Gonna own the pile of lecture notes on my printer.

A Great Weekend.

2009-04-05T19:19:00.003+10:00

One of the best Saturdays just passed. My parents came to Melbourne for a week, took my sister, Jasmin and me around the place. We went for beef pho noodles at Springvale, killed time shopping at Chadstone, and wound up having dinner at a fantastic restaurant at Chapel Street, Toorak. Really enjoyed my T-bone steak that night. Medium rare and served with my favourite side, mashed potatoes, it tasted succulent and juicy. My parents enjoyed their dinners too, could tell that the mood was good amongst the family.

Mummy and Daddy stayed in a service apartment quite close to Chapel Street. Accommodation was way better than I expected. Large screen plasma TV, spacious living room cum dining area, neat little bedrooms and a good sized bathroom. Ah, looking forward to staying over on Wednesday night when the mid-term break begins.

Spent the rest of the night watching "Witches" with Jasmin. We ate chocolates and watched the movie in the spacious living room, warmed by the overhead heater. It was my ideal weekend. Typically all my weekends pass so quickly because I enjoyed them so much, but this one was over in an instant.

Sigh, miss my parents so much. Gonna make myself cook them a good steak this Thursday. Hope it'll be good.

And I wanna do a pasta, but I can't seem to find the original packaging in Coles anymore...

Sigh. Life in Melbourne without school is blissful indeed.

A Different Friday.

2009-04-03T23:56:00.003+11:00

This Friday has been different. Just spent a few hours after dinner at bible study, then stayed around to watch funny videos at Jon's room. Talked about castration and what not. Got to see Peiqi, Christl, Jemima and Jon dance around trying to copy some you-tube video. OK-GO I think. Hilarious at some parts, seeing them knock into each other. Haha who says medicine students don't know how to have fun. Hmmm should spend some more time with this group of friends. They have deeper and more meaningful friendships than most other cliques I've seen.

Going to stay around and play cards with Desmond and Jemima and Lionel I hope. I really love card games, and I don't really get a chance to play often. Finally found a group of people who share the same passion. Hahaha good good. Shoot the Moon.

Yea, I wanna do something I really like later. Finally a different Friday.

The Noise.

2009-04-01T00:41:00.003+11:00

My neighbours just irritated the hell out of me... and sadly I took it out on Jasmin darling. They were talking so loudly, and past midnight. I was tired, and stuck at a final section of my notes. Read it a couple more times and nothing got it. The noise continued. Felt like walking over and telling them off. But that would be humiliating for the both of them. Zzzz suffer in silence loh. Poor Jasmin, called me at the wrong time. Not her fault too though, didn't expect my parents to go for a walk. But yea its all settled now. Once the noise subsided, I quickly finished the notes.

So much tension inside from being irritated. Need to spend a while at the com. Damn I hate living so close to people. And I hate it even more when I keep getting disturbed when I just wanna study. I mean, I spend so much time doing other stuff like exercise and projects and what not, when I need to study, I have to study! ARRRh..

Fencing was good though. Henry came, and I hope he enjoyed himself. Poor guy, I think he was quite worked out by the end of the session. So many gripes with the seniors at fencing. No motivation, no enthusiasm. Just lazing and talking. Sigh. No wonder I'm owning so many of them its not funny anymore. I have so little people left in the club whom I can fence. And by that I mean people who can actually give me a work out and trash my ass. Haiz. When I own the whole club maybe I'll try Kendo.

Got a long day of lectures tomorrow... hope I don't get insomnia tonight. Today was a good day of studying. I must say the respiration notes has so much content squeezed in a few sheets, it doesn't feel like I've covered much today. Stress laaaaaaaaaa. I want my teddy bear to hug, but she's so far away. Sometimes I feel like I'm not treating her right. But it always only occurs to me on hindsight. Hmmm. I'm quite nasty when irritated... its hard for me to be nice when I'm holding so much tension inside. Mmmm.

I wanna get a chicken soft toy for Jasmin. Hahaha it must be a cute, stupid looking one.

Zero-Sum Game.

2009-03-29T18:34:00.002+11:00

My life feels like a Zero-Sum Game. Benefits of me studying so hard in year 2 have just been cancelled out by my 2nd study buddy session with the year 1's. They're good. Haha And I'm forgetting stuff already. I have always wondered that, if you forget old stuff as you learn new stuff, would the proportions of new knowledge gained be equal to the proportions of old knowledge forgotten? Wouldn't the "storage space" in the brain be a zero-sum game then? What can you afford to forget to "exchange the space" for essential new concepts?

I don't think the mind works that way. It'll grow in knowledge across all aspects, much more than the proportions it forgets. So does my life. Hopefully, at the end of all this, it'll all just fall into place. Now, its just the decision to continue and continue and continue that makes the difference. Keep on acquiring new knowledge, and revise old stuff, relearn forgotten stuff. That's what I did today, relearn. Its painful, difficult and humiliating, but... this will eventually give me the edge over others. So what if I don't know? Now I do. =D And I know more than you! Yea, I like to push myself ahead with these stupid encouragements.

Wonderful Saturday spent wandering around in the city! First time I've been there in 4 weeks! Can you imagine! So loser la. Went to Zhixuan's house warming party. Excellent curry chicken. Very Singaporean. Dashed back to SEF for Ci Han's 21st birthday party.

Played table tennis and pool.... I'm actually quite OK at table tennis! I never knew! I thought there was a whole lot of psychomotor co-ordination which I could not handle.... but its a piece of cake... ahaha

Taught Lionel some piano after that.. can understand why my piano teacher hits the notes so hard whenever she teaches me. Frustration and boredom. Lol. But I got him going on some scales and a simple song.

Nice mid-night chat with Jemima and Henry at our flat. Its nice that we can talk so openly about such a myriad of things. Jemima's a lot more emo and opinionated that I thought. Hahaha always thought of her as cute, bubbly and fun. And church-going. Apparently she's quite the thinker and feminist as well. Lol. I love teasing feminists. Just because my view of the world is quite one-sided, and I have MCP tendencies. But I openly accommodate feminists!

Good good... gotta get back into motion tonight. Another long week of grinding and ploughing ahead.

Wish I had a little colony of mushrooms hiding under my bed, helping me to do stuff. Sigh.

Getting into the Groove...

2009-03-24T00:39:00.002+11:00

Settled my CBP stuff for tomorrow, had a hell of a time trying to determine exactly how the bus route goes and stops. Revised a few lecture notes before that, so I guess I'm okay for today. The CD8 T-cell has spotted bacteria particles in the MHC groove! So how does the bacteria particles "get into the groove?" Hahahaha it was so cute when Gooding asked that question. Its all over his lecture notes as well.

Well, finally started clearing my pile of lecture notes, gonna do it on a weekly basis. Now that I've got an extra night of study time; for the past 3 weeks Monday nights have been spent over at Jasmins', I probably can catch up with stuff pretty fast. However, I must say that my studying rate is infamously slow, and I tend to over-memorise things. Gotta speed up.

Another accomplishment for today: Got my OSHC backdated 3 months for the holiday. Finally when I ended classes pretty late, and AGAIN strolled over to student services to check the counter, hey presto! there she was. I rushed in.

Still, on the flip-side, I have to wait another 3 weeks for them to update their system, so that I can make a full refund. Sigh. The never ending web of paperwork and red-tape.

Have to sleep by 2 am. Looks like I've got time for some....

Band of Brothers!

Study Buddy.

2009-03-22T19:06:00.002+11:00

Just had 2 study buddy sessions in a row. One with the juniors, and one with Kaihan. Both went quite well I must say. Telling the juniors the important stuff and teaching them concepts comes easily, especially with Christine around. That's probably why we both wanted to do a study buddy together. We each knew we were good enough to take on a study buddy group ourselves, but with 2 of us together we could almost always rely on each other. Yea study buddy with juniors is definitely a good idea. Very very good revision.

Study buddy with Kaihan on the other hand, I feel that we've slowed down the pace a lot. Its harder to move forward and cover stuff when there's so many people. Its no longer the more focused transfer of knowledge that we've come to like. Today's session was a little messy and slow. So many people talking all at once. So many people talking all the time. Talk talk talk, a competition of answers, a waste of time. Study buddy should take on a more serious tone, where its purpose is primarily to give people the edge over others, to improve knowledge and the understanding of concepts. Not one big laugh fest. More clinical scenarios and examples too please.

Maybe I'm a little frustrated because I didn't have lunch. Maybe its because the study buddy session with the Year 1's took on a more conducive atmosphere. Maybe we're too swollen as a study buddy group to move effectively anymore. We'll see.

Jon was talking about a house study session once in a while, and I nearly died. So many study groups, just when do I have time on my own to study? Need to get the lecture notes moving.

Restless Saturdays.

2009-03-21T19:59:00.002+11:00

Saturday night, and I'm alone in my room, restless. There's so much I wanna do, but it still feels like I'm being dragged down by something. Something I gotta do, something I should do, something I think I know I must do. Always something to do.

Torn between watching Home Alone 2 with Jon and watching Band of Brothers on my own. I need some me time. When my time is mine alone, not set aside for school work, for meals, for exercise, for events, for people. I have no more me time. Yea that's what it is. Everyday I have to give my time to something. And that's probably why I feel so restless when I finally have some time to myself. The inability to relax totally. To enjoy myself. To feel that I'm in full control. Sigh.

I always look forward to Saturdays. A full day set aside, for absolutely nothing. Yet.... so far, I barely remember most of my Saturdays. They're always over in a blink of an eye. Just like that and its Sunday already, time to get the engines going again.

And I just need to say this. I hate waking up on a Saturday morning to the sound of an alarm clock. Especially if I can't sleep in late. The only day of the week where I can get my rest. Its so disadvantageous to be such a light sleeper. I take so long to sleep, and hardly get my rest every schooling night. Insomnia insomnia insomnia.

Its 8, I've done the laundry, replied all my emails and dinner's in the living room. Time to make a change. This will separate me from all the rest. I can change easily. Time for some me time now.

Take it in.

2009-03-20T20:09:00.002+11:00

Good relaxing trip to pinewood for ice-cream with Jasmin. Feels so good finishing school on a Friday, when you know you don't have to do anything anymore. For a while!

Bought a bar of Old Gold Cadbury dark chocolate! 70%, promising....

Just had a nice good dinner, going for Bible study now!

Love Fridays!

Jigsaw Lung.

2009-03-19T17:42:00.002+11:00

Just woke up from a 2 hour nap. And I feel DAMN good. Hahahaha. Love days where I can recharge in the afternoon. Especially after having insomnia the night before.

Dissection today was really really fun. Owned all the other Aussies at anatomy and probably managed to find the thoracic duct! Impressive considering the duct is really fragile and thin, and ripped easily. Too much muck in the way still, couldn't expose the duct fully and check out the venous angle.

Sutured back 3 pieces of lung together too, my goodness that was really fun. Ben, my anatomy tutor was like helping me to oppose the edges of the pieces together so that I can suture properly. I think I've almost finish suturing together the left inferior lobe save one last piece. More to come for next tutorial!

Yes and I forgot to mention, I also sutured a chunk of left ventricle wall back onto the heart. Now it opens out like a door. =D What a beauty!

Hmmm cadaveric lung tissue sure is fragile, dunno if its the same with a living person. But its really good suturing practice, and I think I can confidently do sutures quickly now.

Going off for fencing soon! Cutting up the dead in the afternoon, destroying the living in the evening. I live such a morbid life, and I love it. =D

Messy.

2009-03-18T00:19:00.002+11:00

Ever had days where you don't really know or feel like doing anything? Today is one of them... Messy. Bits of pieces here and there, fluttering around, watching movies.... Man, its like I wanna take a break and relax and not feel guilty for slacking a little... But I can't seem to do that... Finished 3 sets of lecture notes today... hmmmm supposed to do SPC or some PCL now but... I'm tired from fencing, and my brain's draggy.

Don't wanna do anything anymore for the rest of the night! >.<

Feeling nostalgic again at the moment... and I'm missing Jasmin.... maybe that's what's dragging me down... feels like I lack the drive today. Hmmmm

Gotta slog on. Hmmmm. I wanna talk to mummy again.

Irritated.

2009-03-16T22:01:00.002+11:00

Feel really really irritated with things and myself at the moment... though I have no idea why... could be the sucky long day of school.... could be that my printer went wonky and printer a thick stack of lecture notes... one slide per page... now the toner's almost dead... could be the thought of working again tonight... could be the people around me who are getting on my nerves...

Whatever man.... felling really bogged down by the stack of lecture notes on my desk... have to clear them soon before more starts piling up.

Not to mention the ton of assignments that have been thrown at us in a single lecture.

Fuck man I need to sort out my life a little more.

Hunger.

2009-03-15T19:07:00.002+11:00

Waiting for dinner now. So hungry. And the food smells so good. Jon's strumming on the guitar downstairs. Henry's frying something. Lionel is talking about some cardiophysiology shit. Desmond is cooped up in his room with his girlfriend. Just read the new PCL case. I'm quite sure the case is on bronchitis, though I'm not sure whether its chronic or acute. Probably read up on it tonight.

Haven't done my SPC readings for tonight's meeting, but it'll probably be okay to read up on something there. Mmmmm, there's that smell again. I hear something frying downstairs. Henry ah, quite thankful for him. I've been eating better and more than last year, thanks to his cooking. Jon too. Good variety, huge portions, and great value for money. Love my life now.

Was thinking about last night when I was so hungry. So touching to see Jasmin putting off sleep just to accompany me in the kitchen. She even helped me to wash the pot afterwards. Its times like this where I really feel that I have been so blessed. So good to be in such a meaningful relationship. Love you Jasmin darling!

More ice-cream for you in the future!

Yay!

2009-03-15T17:31:00.002+11:00

Yay! Finally finished left overs of ECG Made Easy chapter 1 and Pleural anatomy! I wonder what we have to read for anatomy this week.... I haven't read much on the anatomy of the heart yet..

Finally able to log onto my blog! Always unsuccessful trying to signing in over the past weeks.

Have been getting waves of nostalgia ever since I called my mum on the hand phone. Seldom get to talk to her so directly... its almost always over Skype. Suddenly her voice was so clear, so sharp, and so near. I thought about the times when I get to talk to my parents. Somehow, I was always busy at those times, and half-hearted conversations often endured. Study time replacing touch-base-with-parents time was not a good idea at all. When I spoke to my mother, I realised how much I missed talking to her, discussing the things that concerned her, and planning with her about our future. Certainly missed all those nights walking around the neighbourhood with her, holding her hand, talking endlessly. The most perfect end to my day.

My daddy too! I bet he really misses both me and my sister a lot. He tries to hid it whenever he's here, but it just leaks through every time he hugs my sister. Poor guy, alone in Singapore so often now-a-days... I want him over as soon as possible, but for the greater good, the move must be well planned. He needs time to find a good job and bid his friends good-bye...

Recently, I've also been getting a little nostalgic whenever I leave Jasmin's place on a Sunday morning. It seems like I've come to enjoy staying over at her house on the weekends, and the place now feels like a holiday home to me. A place away from all the mad studying during the week, the stress of completing homework and reading up. Going to bed so peacefully and contented, with Jasmin snuggling up to me. Waking up on a Saturday morning and slowly cooking my ideal breakfast. Dashing out for a quick lunch afterwards, and then rushing home to prepare for study buddy. Love Saturdays, they're a perfect balance between leisure and work. Jasmin seems more and more like family to me now, its like I have to see her every so often, and its hard trying not to spend too much time with her. When school heats up I'll probably still set aside every Friday night till Saturday afternoon to spend with her.

Hmmm the balancing act of my life is surely going to heat up. I've got a study buddy group in the works, a potential SMSV position to handle, and multiple projects which haven't started. On top of all this, I have a sister who stays near me whom I need to keep an eye on, and an adorable girlfriend whom I can't stop seeing. Plus more stuff to learn. Can I do it again? Seniors who were successful in their first year did not all find the same success in their second year. Am I biting off more than I can chew?

I think not. Got Kaihan to look towards for inspiration. If he can juggle all that stuff in his life, probably so can I. Except that he's probably a lot smarter. But never mind that, bring on the year!

If there was anything fencing taught me, its never to be afraid. I can see fearlessness in Kaihan and Christine especially. It is this ability to take on challenges with absolute confidence that will set us apart from the rest. It is these people who have control over their fears who will provide me with the greatest competition this year. And I love competition, makes me stronger. Hahaha, yea bring it on.

Monkey Brains & Lamb Shank.

2009-02-22T03:07:00.005+11:00

Ever thought of eating your soft toys? Hahaha I have. If it could ever happen, it would be a feast. Lets have a look at our potential soft toys food menu.

Appetizer:

Live Monkey Brains

Soup of the Day:

Braised Bear Paws in Herbal Soup

Main Course:

Lamb Shank with Garden Vegetables and Mash

Hot Plate Dinosaur with Spring Onions and Rice

Fried Snake Skin with Soya Sauce and Noodles

Desert:

Qbert's Christollen

Choice of Drinks:

Sunflower Juice

Piglet's Oriental Tea

Dragon's Extra Strong Stout

This delightful spread will cost $1k per pax, and will only be available under still undetermined conditions. Prevailing service charges and government taxes apply.

You and I.

2009-02-21T05:48:00.002+11:00

This thing between you and I. Its growing, its getting stronger, its binding tighter. It won't go away easily, that's for sure. Its getting harder and harder to live life without you. Someday we'll probably be inseparable. I can tell from your desire to meet me more and more. The way we always seem to enjoy ourselves together. The insatiable urge to bite me.

I'm not as concerned about the way we spend money as I once was. I now know that you understand my situation a lot better, and that you are much more conscious of your spending habits. There's still room for improvement, but I admit that you've come a long way. That's good, and I love you for that. You're willing to change for me, and there's much more to our relationship than I had initially hoped for.

I know that you've understood the gist of how I normally think and react... And therefor sometimes when I mention or discuss certain thorny issues with you, its not contention anymore, its appreciation. You like to ask me what I am thinking of sometimes, and I most certainly would like to know what's in your head all the time. So, my dear, sometimes when I mull over thorny issues aloud, its not always about you, about us. Its so that you'll know how I feel about things. How I come to conclusions by myself.

I know I like to beat your backside a lot. But you're not wrong all the time. We've reached the stage where we can talk about things together.

Like how I never want Valentine's day to be at a hawker centre. I'll do it the expensive way. If I can. =P

The Dreaded Question.

2009-02-21T05:31:00.002+11:00

I hoped that this day would never come. It was like awaiting the inevitable. The day where the blissful calm would be shattered and be replaced by the turmoil of mistrust and suspicion and anger. The day you would ask me the dreaded question.

In fact, this time no questions were asked. I was simply told. I was slightly taken aback and appalled. I thought it was over. I thought we were through with it. I thought you had promised me.

My mind whirled. Considered what I would do, what I would have to do if you went. The thoughts didn't please me. They made me sick. I couldn't. But if you had went ahead, then I would have to. I've dropped too many warning signs. I've voiced my concerns. I don't know what else to do.

It wouldn't be pretty. I'm sure I'll be in pain for quite a while. But I'll still do it anyway.

No excuses, no pleas, no threats. My heart is wrapped in your love, but my brain still holds its vigil over my paths. No more.

Selfish.

2009-02-20T06:56:00.002+11:00

3 hours past midnight. I was hungry. Crept downstairs to the kitchen, searching. Looked at a cupboard stocked with instant noodles. Continue to eat this artificial shit and soon your hair will fall off, I told myself. The pineapple tarts caught my eye. Bengawan Solo pineapple tarts. Neatly stashed inside a green cardboard covering. I opened it slowly. The golden brown tarts looked like over-sized oval pills. Tempting. I peeled off the scotch tape, and removed the plastic cover. Picked up the fattest looking tart I saw. Put it in my mouth. Flavours rushed through my mouth. The sweet and tangy taste of the pineapple filling. The puffy crust which was so soft it melted in my mouth. Irresistible. I popped another into my mouth. Damn these little buggers were good. Yet another. The fourth one made me look back into the container. An empty hole had been formed amongst the neatly arranged cookies. Gone within a minute. So fast... too fast.

Selfish. What if the others noticed that the pineapple tarts had been opened? Two days, maximum. Then they would be gone. No more delicious yummy pineapple tarts. Easy decision. I covered the open container. Slid it nicely back into the green cardboard covering. Returned it to its original position, and placed a whole box of Japanese noodles onto it. No one would suspect a thing.

How selfish can human beings get? Family members hiding goodies from one another. That's just the tip of the iceberg. Goodies, gifts, money, land, people. The desire to have can be strong. And the human conscience and resolve, weak.

Luckily its only a box of pineapple tarts.

New Stuff.

2009-02-19T04:37:00.002+11:00

New phone, new wallet, new clothes and new haircut. New stuff, branded stuff, cooler stuff, more expensive stuff. What for? To make myself feel good? To show other people I'm fashionable and cool? Why the need to have new stuff all the time?

I changed my wallet because my old wallet was too worn to be used. I changed my phone because my new phone was a gift and it has been sitting around in my drawer for more than a year. And I wanted to sell off my old phone before it devalues further. New clothes because I've looked in the mirror recently before going out and thought that I really looked like I was wearing rags. For me to think that I look like a beggar means that my clothes are from the previous era and really cannot make it. Really I'm still wearing the stuff I wore like in Secondary 4. New haircut because I'm returning to Melbourne soon and haircuts there are pretty expensive.

Wearing and using new stuff makes me feel good. Like people can notice what I have and think positively of me. That I look good, dress well, have good taste in expensive goods and am technologically competent. But I've always been thinking... What for? Who are you trying to impress? Does it really matter?

My mother once said to me, never mind all those people who comment about you, and look down on you. So what? These are the people who don't matter to you. As long as you don't look down on yourself, that's the most important.

I find that really true. It has helped my mummy rise up in her dog-eat-dog world, shamelessly fighting the glass ceiling in her male dominated workplace, commanding the respect of cadres of top executives worldwide. Every time she repeats her stories of success to me, I find it hard not to listen. There's gotta be something I can learn from her success right? Something I can use to push myself to greater heights.

So does it matter? So what if your friend notices your new Gucci wallet? Means you got more money than her? Means you work harder than her to get it? Means your parents give you a lot of money to spend? Means that you have better taste than people? Having a Gucci wallet, or any other branded goods for that matter, doesn't answer any of the questions above. What more if the friend was a complete stranger. Would your status and wealth matter?

Fools. If only we open our eyes... they're all around us. People so caught up in establishing and advertising their egos and wealth and status, that they lose themselves in their mad chase for all things branded and expensive. Shop loads of fools. Just go to Paragon. Look inside Gucci, Prada, LV. Half of the people inside can very well afford the stuff on sale. They want it, they don't need it. The other half... fools who scrimp and save and lead sad, meaningless lives just to buy a little piece of heaven. School girls who squander their parent's hard-earned money on handbags to small to carry their books. Love smitten boyfriends empty their life-savings to splurge on their girlfriends. Aunties, desperate to show off their status to majong kakis, purchase items at the expense of their children's education funds, and return home to HDB flats with huge outstanding mortgages. Fools.

Branded stuff? Don't really have any. Those that I use are gifts. Never really bought any. The people say you dress like shit how? People think you cannot afford how? People look down on you how?!!??

Lol. These people laugh at you for not having "it", what ever "it" may be. Who are these people to you? Nobody. I only want to be respected by the people who MATTER to me. My parents, my relatives, my true friends. In today's twisted society, it is sadly often not the case. We don't care about people who should matter the most to us! Instead, we go about impressing and seeking the respect of our friends, total strangers and just about anyone who bothers to throw a glance at you. Shit! And it was your parents who gave you the money buy that LV bag!

Hahaha like I said, Fools. They're all around you. Just open your eyes.

And laugh, because the last laugh truly belongs to you.

Bintan Photos & Videos!

2009-02-19T04:26:00.002+11:00

Just reviewed the photos and videos from Bintan! Some great pictures in there. =D And some of the videos were hilarious. Hahaha especially the air-rifle ones. Loved it when I took so long to aim, then paused and said: "Quite hard ah...". And the one where Jasmin spreads a layer of foam over her hair like a hair-band. Made her look super cute.

Hmmmm looking at the photos makes me recall how beautiful the scenery there was. The resort feel was certainly there, and just taking in the views from the photos was relaxing. Really glad we took the time to take lots of photos and videos. The next time I find it a chore to take pictures, I must remind myself of my Bintan trip.

All about you.

2009-02-16T22:43:00.000+11:00

Things are starting to be all about you. Never occurred to me before, but it just struck me over the past few days.

I wonder how many times have you called me and I gave you the cold shoulder because I was feeling crappy or unhappy.... damn I don't remember any.

How many nights have I not said to you "I love you" because I was tired, upset at you, irritated or moody.... damn I also don't remember any.

How many times have I sent you angry SMSes because of something you did that upset me, but you didn't know what on earth you did... Shit, I also don't remember.

But, how many times have YOU done the above to me?

Time to rethink your life. I'm not gonna let you ruin my days because you're "unhappy". No more feeling down because you're upset too. I'm starting to think I don't need this crap from you anymore. There's a line between being a good boyfriend, a shoulder to cry on, providing a listening ear whenever you're upset, and the person who carries all your troubles for you. I'm here to share your troubles and complaints, not to feel like shit just because you feel like shit and have mood swings.

If you have been wondering why we seem a little distant over the last few days, you're probably spot on. I need to find out if you're more than I can handle, or want more from me than I can give you.

You've crossed the lines already. Asking me to be your personal dog and retrieve money for you to pay for your luxuries was an eye-opener. I didn't argue it out with you right there and then because I wanted you to enjoy yourself. But you didn't understand, nor appreciate me withholding feelings.

Starting little fights daily is also becoming part of your routine. You haven't noticed it, but I have, since about a month ago. I have told you that you are the reason why you are disappointed so often, and I now dare say that you are also the reason why you are upset so often. You seem to think that the people you argue with are the ones finding fault with you, but I'm telling you now, you're the one stirring up trouble. Isn't it common now, you being moody and upset at me over something I've done in the morning, and me sweet-talking you in the evening. Why on earth must I punish myself before I go to bed on so many evenings?

I know your expectations of a boyfriend, and I've told you that some of them are unreasonable, or down right ridiculous. Have you asked for my expectations for a girlfriend? They're nowhere near as fairy tale as yours and damn right easy to achieve.

I read this article in the paper today. It was on Venetta Lopez and her outlooks on life. One quote caught my eye. It was regarding her divorce, and how it has changed her. She said something along the lines of: "Quit whimpering and whining about life when you're married, when you're partner is attracted to someone else. Instead make yourself more attractive to your partner."

Stop all your expectations and demands that I show my love for you. I know you have been understanding and accommodating towards me. But there is still this whole lingering sense of insecurity and need for closeness that I feel around you.

You tell me that we'll probably break-up because I will stop loving you first. Well, sad to say, you're so wrong about that one. You need someone to be there for you all the time, be there waiting for you when you wake up in the mornings and waiting for you when you prepare to sleep. You tell me that you can handle long-distance relationships, I'm telling you that you can't. And its precisely because of the need for closeness and the feeling of being loved that you so require everyday. It will take time for you to recognise it, but it is undeniable. Getting upset whenever I don't answer phone calls, or take longer than necessary to return your calls or "ignore" you is not purely a mistake on my part. Through these I can infer that you need closeness, need to feel loved all the time. And when you feel that you're not getting enough, you pull a tantrum, to get attention, closeness and more love. Its a vicious cycle I hope you can see.

How about I try it when you're working. You can see that it will be especially effective for me to do the same to you when you're on hospital attachments. Needless to say when you're working. Childish stunts. I know it when you love me, and I don't need constant reassurances of your love.

Self-awareness does not equal to Self-realisation. The fact that you admitted to me that you tend to want fairy tale endings in all aspects of your life is good. It shows me that you know you're expectations are too high and are bound to be much lower in life. However, that fact that you complain about people not understanding you and get irritated at me for not providing you with constant reassurances shows me that you have yet to realise and think through points you have picked up about yourself. You know roughly what it is about you that is causing you difficulties, but never really bothered to find out why and how it is affecting your life.

Lastly, I really regret saying this, because I do not think you are stupid. However, often it is you who fail to understand my point of view, rather than me understanding yours. Most of the time, I have thought over things before I even broach the topic with you. I probably already have a feel of what your stand is before you tell me. I just want to hear it from you.

You once told me that you will not tailor your life to suit mine. I am telling you now that though I am willing to accommodate you in my life, you are pushing some limits. And I certainly will not tailor my life to suit yours.

This is not all about you.

Greed.

2009-02-16T03:25:00.000+11:00

This past few weeks, I've been getting a clearer view on the state of my assets. Starting to feel more and more greedy, my mind filling with all the "what if"s. Like what if I had a million dollars... what if I had a couple of hundred more.... what could I do with a thousand? Not so good. Don't want money to become another sin I'll be addicted to. Yet money does make the world go round and round. And round. Its impact on lives is undeniable, unavoidable. We all want money, we all NEED more money. How many of us can truly say that we have enough, and money doesn't matter anymore? Probably only the filthy rich. But then again that's because they're filthy rich. Put them in a 2 room HDB flat with a couple of thousand dollars in their POSB account and you'll hear them sing a different song. No one has enough money. Yet trying to make more money evokes greed, jealousy, hatred, pride, and a whole host of other sins. Hmmmm. Then the age old question strikes me as I was reading the papers and flipping through advertisements of newly launched properties. How to increase my assets quickly? No.1 I don't have a lot of money. No.2 I need a lot more time. Hahaha Damn.

I aim to be more successful than my parents. Yet I don't wanna become successful without repaying them on the way. How do I achieve a balance doing this? I need all the funds I can get my hands on if I wanna start early. Then again, I want to repay my parents while they are still young, so that they can start to enjoy themselves early.

Quite interested in venturing into the property market... But damn, I don't know much about economics and taxes and levies and all that red tape shit. So this is an area in which I need my mum's knowledge of the property market. Hmmmm.

Saw a government agency reply on the high cost of HDB flats even during the current economic crisis. 2 room Built To Order HDB flats in Choa Chu Kang, Ponggol and Yishun were going for as little as $76,000 to $90,000. 3 roomers were starting at $100,000 to $130,000. Of course, the location is shit, and there'll probably no amenities near where the flat is. But it is near a MRT.... My point is... I'm only in my early twenties.... and if I could start small when I'm young... imagine... Sadly, I still don't have enough in my CPF or in the bank to foot that amount upright. But I may have enough for a down payment or a deposit.. Then the loan from the bank can be repaid using rental income from the flat... But then again who knows if I'll be able to get a steady tenant. So many factors to consider... plus I don't even have a steady income. Tsk Tsk. Looks like I've gotta put off starting young for a while... probably until I graduate... when I'm 26 years old and earning my first year of income... Buy my first flat in Singapore. =D

Aim for the Stars, and even if you fall, you fall on the Moon.

Dreaming is not what people do when they sleep, dreaming is what keeps people from sleeping.

Nerd Resurrection.

2009-02-16T03:07:00.000+11:00

School's starting soon. And I wanna go back, can't wait for my life in Melbourne to resume. Love studying there, though I may miss home once in a while. Miss all the games I play with my friends between classes, love the studying and learning new things, love the dissection and the tutorials. New friends, new topics, new year. Hmmmmm I wanna feel independent again, though I love feeling like there's someone else to put some order in my life. My mummy. Hahaha. Thankfully she's coming along. So I'll get a bit of independence, yet I've got someone strong to rely on.

This year will be better. =D

Bintan Holiday.

2009-02-16T02:19:00.000+11:00

Recently went on a holiday with darling Jasmin! A nice and relaxing 3D2N stay at Nirwana Resort Hotel in Bintan. Nice sandy beaches... actually the beach was nice and picturesque, but the sand was a little hard. Hahaha. Anyways, spent time there just winding down and enjoying ourselves. A good break from the past month of slave work I've been doing. And it cost me $330 in total. Awww man I should do something like this every year.

Day 1: Ferry to Bintan. Lunch at Pasar Oleh Oleh. The most disgusting Indonesian economic rice I've ever seen. But the food tasted good. Just that most of it was visually disturbing. Like flies all over the food, cow's lungs, heart, liver etc all over the place, and this weird seafood combo that Jasmin ordered which was a mixture of everything that has a shell and lives underwater.

The hotel room was good, a little beyond my expectations I must say. For the prices we were paying, I kinda expected something a little shabby and well used. Alas that was not the case. Enormous bed, nice wooden furnishings, and large airy bedroom. Almost perfect. Only the bathroom was a little dingy, but really, its a bathroom.

Spent time at the pool as soon as we could. I liked the way the pool overlooked the sea. Like the end of the pool blended away into the sea line. Those swimming pool which have no boundaries around the side facing the sea. Good stuff. Spent a few days trying to drown Jasmin there but failed. Too fat she displaced too much water when I try to push her underwater.

Dinner at Pasar Oleh Oleh was a delightful affair. The ambience was just right, with a mini band playing oldies, dim yellow lights, and attentive waiters. As usual Jasmin tried to over order, but I managed to cut down on some dishes she didn't really want. But I must say that it was a very satisfying dinner, the Dong Dong was soooo good, so was my steak. Ooooh loved the coconuts too, thanks to Jasmin. Cost only $49 for the two of us.

Day 2: This day was mostly spent lazing around the resort. We swam a lot more than on the first day, frolicking in the pool. Man, that was the good life.

Went to do some air rifle and archery. Both were so fun! Archery took a lot more strength than I imagined, and aiming the arrow was easier than I thought. But I took quite a long while to actually aim the arrow, and my arm was shaking from the strength I needed to draw the bow. Difficult skill indeed.

Air rifle was more fun I reckon. Sadly none of my army training shit worked for me. All that breathing crap and slowly pulling on the trigger. That stuff was for rifles with heavy metal bullets and recoils. Air rifle guns were light, did not have any recoil and shot light metal pellets. Better still, they all had telescopic sights. Damn difficult la! Omg I have new found respect for army snipers. The cross-hairs shook and wavered off target every time I breathed, and the targets were so small I could barely keep the cross-hairs steady on them. It felt damn good whenever I hit a target. I love shooting the swinging cans!

Jasmin was born for war I tell you. Xena girl was way better at picking off targets than I was. She could shoot further that I could, and hit more targets than me. Hahaha damn, and I was thinking of challenging her to paint ball. Luckily we had this so I can save myself some painful shots.

Dinner was a exceedingly good. We ate at the coffee shop restaurant at the hotel. The theme buffet of the night was Indian cuisine. Surprisingly, Jasmin agreed to the buffet, and we both had a smashing good time stuffing ourselves! Jasmin tried to flirt with the Indian cook in the hope that he would personally cook and serve her roti-pratas. He did. Poor sucker. But his recipes were excellent, and his dishes were amongst the best I ever tasted. The bill came up to $84, but it was worth every penny! I had an alcoholic milkshake, and tons of scallops and mussels at that. Not forgetting to mention the tandori lamb, which was tasty and tender, as well as that dish with the goat cheese in it. Mmmmmm. Fattening ourselves up in preparation for the hardship in Melbourne. Lol.

Day 3: I love continental buffet breakfasts! Nothing like stuffing yourself with yummy food in the morning, and starting off the day with your stomach bulging. Avoid swimming when very very full.

Went back for more air rifle. Jasmin owned me again. Shameful. Need to secretly practice and own her back.

Dinner was rushed, and had we more time, it would have been perfect. I managed to get some crab, my first time ordering by weight kaez! 600 grams was quite a lot of crab. I mean the pincers were huge, and you could like hold the claws and the pincer flesh was like a huge white ice-cream. Then you just bite and bite at the sweet and succulent meat! Oooh the black pepper crab was simply mouth-watering. Ordered a medium Dong Dong! Owned the whole plate. Fed a lot of the little snails to Jasmin. She's a little snail lover at heart but doesn't know it yet. The usual two coconuts and a plate of calamari. Mmmmm, pity we had to rush it all down within 30 minutes.

After dinner we got shoved into and out of buses and finally onto the ferry back to Singapore. Almost like being deported, but not as jialat, like you won't die on the journey and when you reach the shore they won't put you back into a shittier boat and send you back into sea. Hahaha.

Very very good stuff, my first self-planned holiday. I hope to start small, and plan bigger holidays! Perhaps next year I might think of actually taking a plane somewhere. If the budget allows for it. Hahaha. Mmmmm bitten by the travel bug. Thanks to my darling who spent the whole holiday with me, so many good memories generated there. Gonna appreciate resorts a lot more from now.

Money Money Money

2009-02-11T03:45:00.000+11:00

Money matters. Sorted it all out with my personal financial banker, the mummy. This mummy ah, shes better than a personal wealth planner. All these years, confirm grow your money, recession after recession. Simply amazing, I've never doubted her skills and instincts, and will never. All the interest she adds for me over the years can put Singapore and Aussie banks to shame.

Anyways, made it clear with her that I have no intention of living on her money any longer than I have to. I told her clearly that I wanted to pay for my holiday with my money. All the big ticket items from now on will be paid by me... Only living expenses and school fees she'll have to foot.. Don't want her to work so hard for the money, and me spending it all. I want her to enjoy her hard work, when shes not yet so old. She deserves it, deserves a standard of living far higher than what shes giving herself at the moment.

Don't want her to work so hard anymore... I want her to enjoy life... Shes got nothing left to prove... everyone at work respects her, her bosses love her, she's got a nice house, enough to retire, and a family. But working is one of her passions... One that has gripped her too tightly. She feels satisfaction in success, that's alright, that's good! But like what Aunty Jenny's husband said, "I think you need to know when to stop in life." Hope my mummy finds a time where she can finally slow down and lead a more comfortable life.

I see her walking to the market and NTUC, at least 3 km away, and returning with bottles of drinks and the week's shopping, and my heart aches. Why does she do that to herself? To save the bus ride of 71 cents. Even in the blazing hot sun, which gives her migraines, she would walk. If my mum does it to save money, I should follow suit, and besides, I'm using her money. Sometimes I tell myself its good exercise. Most of the time I tell myself its for my mummy.

WhirlWind of Activities

2009-02-11T03:38:00.000+11:00

Last week was so hectic... Planning, remembering, analysing, carrying out... Crazy I tell you... Doesn't feel like a holiday... Yet things have never been better in my life... The rewards of a little bit of organisation in one's life are amazing... Working, Jasmin's birthday party, her birthday dinner, her presents, meeting friends... Managed to pull it all off... Wish I can do some of it better, but I don't regret anything at the moment. =D

Theres a dog on the bed now, and its making sick wet noises at the spot where I'm gonna sleep later...

Sweet Love.

2009-01-31T03:45:00.000+11:00

Thanks for all your love darling Jasmin!

Its times like tonight which makes me feel you're are worth every single drop of my energy and time. Thanks for coming down all the way just to have a simple dinner with me. Thank you for the sweet words and the CD. Definitely something I'll hold dear to me. Thank you for booking the dinner for us, promise we'll go there someday!

Most importantly thank you for the promise you made to me in the CD... The past few days especially, I can tell you're putting so much into this relationship... Don't ever stop kaez darling, that'll keep us going on and on.

1 month later, and I'm so glad I asked you. My only regret is that I wasn't able to ask you sooner... Things have never looked so good for the both of us. After so long, I still wanna squeeze and hug you every time I see you smiling at me! Can't get enough of you... Sometimes, thinking of you and our holiday makes me smile to myself during work... All those happy times together, with you screaming at me and trying to bite me... hahaha never forget those times kaez darling, because its not the achievements in our lives that will matter in old age, but the memories from the past.

Just had a another funny thought about you! One of the many I'll usually have throughout the day. Old gummy kiss! Hahaha we've had plenty of practice so I'm sure we'll be good at it when we're 80.

Happy 1 month Darling! Love you like crazy.

Back to Work!

2009-01-29T03:27:00.000+11:00

The weary slave picks up his well-worn tools, shrugs his heavy shoulders, and shuffles back to work. The allure of more money to be earned, has drawn yet another weak soul into slavery's iron grasp. The contract has been signed, cast in stone. The slave willingly lets himself be chained to a cannon ball, and starts loading chocolates into the sturdy wooden carriage. Slavery himself stood over his minions, his slaves, and an evil smirk broke out over his old wrinkled and shrivelled face. His body was but a confusing assortment of chains, steel bars, iron clasps, ropes and binds. Money stood by his side, silently and obediently carrying out his master's will. Slavery's most powerful pawn, together they enslaved hundreds, if not thousands of men, women and children. Slavery's most powerful chains were not of steel, but frail pieces of paper stashed away in a bag which never left his side. Contracts, thousands of them. Binding people more strongly and more surely than any chain.

Slavery looked over his garden of torment and suffering. Acres upon acres of unfinished work. He cast a smug smile at Money, who met his master's gaze. They knew more slaves were coming. More. Much more. The recession had come.

Half-baked, Hair-brained.

2009-01-26T05:17:00.000+11:00

Goodness I'm so irritated now... Just got off the phone with Jasmin discussing our holiday plans. Filled with so much hurtful things I wanna just blurt out at her, keeping it inside is so hard. Hopefully I told her how I felt in a nicer way.

Free-spirited, carefree, going with the flow, living up the moment, impulsive, whatever you call it... But her personality which I adore so much has its negative points. It makes her come up with stuff at the very last minute, fickle minded, and not putting much, if any thought into things. That's the root cause of her disappointments in life. But she doesn't realise it, because her character is such that she gets over disappointments easily and readily.

She asked me to go to Chinatown with her at 12 am. I was like... are you serious? Everything would be closed! Then she argued that it would be swarming with people till 2 am. I told her that by the time we go down there, at best, we'll spend 1 hr 30 minutes there and then have to go home. Disappointment hits her again. She sighs heavily over the phone. Its moments like these that pisses me off. So is it my fault for not going with you? Sure darling, I can be your ideal guy and go with you right then. But please tell me you thought of how we can get home after that or what else we're gonna do. Don't make me feel bad for not supporting your hair-brained ideas, just because I can think through things more completely. I hate to disappoint you, and I get this feeling from you pretty often, and I always feel its my fault when it isn't.

Holiday planning has been a semi-disaster so far. The first few discussions we had, all ended in her feeling disappointed as usual and not wanting to go on the holiday anymore. Took me so much effort to stop myself from telling her that when she is independent one day, she'll never be able to plan a holiday by herself. To "research" a holiday destination, she simply googles up some lovely pictures on the internet, finds some websites with more lovely pictures, sends the websites to me and tells me she wants to go there. What's the budget like? Dunno. (Or got it confused with another website) How do we get there? Dunno. Terms and conditions? Dunno. Do you wanna do the activities on the package you showed me? Dunno. I think I have the right to be irritated at this point.

The worst part; she hates to admit that she's wrong. Instead, she'll think of a reason to try to validate her arguments, which pisses me off even more. The top of the list? Over the price of holiday packages and room rates.

J: The prices for holiday packages and room rates are the same!

M: How can that be? Its impossible. Holiday packages include room rates as well as the cost of other activities!

J: I know, but its the same! Because the tour operators are.... (some reason that I didn't understand and didn't make sense)

M: Think about it. One includes room rates and activities. One is purely cost of room rates. Both same price?

J: I dunno la, but that's what I found out.

Darling, and you ask me why people don't take you seriously. Did you really want me to finish the above argument with you?

Don't tell me stuff like "I confirm." or "Duh-uh". The latter especially pisses me off. By saying that, you're telling me that you've went through everything, know more than me, and that I have completely no reason to question you. Don't ever say that to me unless you're sure you know more than me. If you think the questions I ask you are stupid, then don't you think that there's a reason why I asked them in the first place?

I don't like arguing with her over small things... I wanna try to bring her to see the big picture... Nothing wrong with not knowing anything about where we wanna go. But something's wrong when you don't know anything, come to me talking like you've got it all worked out, get me irritated and doubtful of your capabilities, you disappointed and your feelings crushed, both of us ending the night unhappily. Something's gotta change on your side right? I mean, what do you want me to do? Smile and agree with everything you say, then let you go there and be disappointed again, and having no one to blame but yourself? That's your ideal, traditional, non-MCP, gentlemanly boyfriend you so want to have right? Yes darling, we'll go where ever you want, we'll get a house which can hold 4 people, never mind that we'll exceed budget, miss a day or two because we didn't figure out transport, have no money to eat, and realise that we're actually staying in a shack by the beach because you were mislead by the website photos. Never mind all these! Darling because I am your gentlemanly boyfriend, I'll give you whatever you want, and suffer all your disappointments with you.

Sorry, I'm not such a person. I think you deserve better. And I don't want you to be disappointed so much anymore.

This post will probably hurt her. But its words that are truthful and sincere that have the most impact... There's only so much I can bring myself to say to her over the phone, I hate to hear her agreeing with me with such sadness in her voice.

Can't change your personality... That's who you are, that's what makes you Jasmin. And I don't want you to change it. Instead, try controlling it... Impulsive and carefree when times allow, but keeping such thoughts and feelings in check when necessary. That'll help you avoid disappointments in life.

I can tell you this because I like to be like you. I wanna not plan, not think through things so much. To go with the flow. But I can't, cause I'm naturally a very critical person... I evaluate people and things, form my opinions on them, stereotype them. To make a simple decision requires me to think so much... The prices of bread at Coles, where to go out, whether to meet you in the middle of the night...

So many things I wanna do... But once I control my impulses, think things through... suddenly the impulses disappear... And I realise I made the decision for the better. Not boasting about myself, just that I think you might benefit from thinking things through a little more...

That's right... That's what I should have said to you instead of that 5 minute lecture...

Darling, think through things a little more.

iloveyou. Still. Always.

Rest.

2009-01-22T02:58:00.000+11:00

This post has only one purpose. It is for me to remember that this is one of those times in my life where I constantly feel tired and drained. This job is starting to take its toll on me... But, I'm gonna finish it. This piece of shit is going down.

Thanks darling for coming down once again! And stop thanking me for the dinners... a few dollars is nothing compared to your company for dinner. Love you darling, please remain like this always!

PS: Steven is back. Like what the heck right... Now though I need him a lot, his country bumpkin style and confused little mind is starting to get on my nerves... Not to mention his lack of balls to confirm orders with supervisors... But I try not to get impatient with him... its not his fault actually. Haiz. 4 more days la. Please pay me more money.

Hmmm... these few days my past pursuits have been bugging me... Crap... I sort of don't wanna meet them because of Jasmin, yet it's so impolite to just cut off all contact. Zzz.

Never Say Die!

2009-01-19T04:21:00.000+11:00

Today, my working buddy Steven quit his job. Says he cannot take it anymore. Too fed up with the customers he handled. Feel quite sad for him, because now his pay will be reduced to $3 an hour. That's absolutely crappy. Asked him to try to carry on, just a week more to Chinese New Year, but he said he really cannot stand the job already. Well, I wish him well in his life's journey, and hopefully we may meet again in the future. Was fun working with you.

The Darling was so understanding today. She said that if I tried to smack her ass she'll bite me. But she always bluff me one. Just wiggle her ass and let me smack. =P

Good news. My dad decided to remain in Singapore. Good, apparently he calculated how much loss in earnings he would have to suffer if he took the pay cut for the new job. Nearly fell off his chair I suppose. Hahaha imagine 61% less pay. Good for you daddy! I approve. Hahaha

Gotta start transferring some pics from my old phone to the com for storage. My iphone is just sitting on my table... Hmmm but then again I don't wanna damage it while working with heavy stuff.

Miss the small (actually now quite big) fat fat.

Ravishing!

2009-01-18T04:06:00.000+11:00

The darling looked soooooo good last night in that top. Hmmm despite being quite fat she still manages to look hot. Maybe fat muscular girls look better than skinny toned ones. Hmmm. Figuring this out is more difficult than studying medicine. Lucky me, my darling's body is awesome. Hahahaha more than half a year down the road and I'm still fascinated by her smile.

Wanna say sorry for doing something I'm not supposed to... =( I'm a guy. Sorry darling. Really didn't mean to. Will make it up to you; let you put on another 5 kg la. Eat more duck rice.

Did some spy work just now. Investigating potential new family members. Almost puked and died. Omg. Please no. How can that Jasmin bluff me. Hmmm but resources at my disposal are not sufficient for a more thorough investigation. It seems that the limitations stem from a veil of secrecy over the entire situation. Hmmmm plans to extract more information must proceed with up-most caution. Over and out!

Just irritated my darling over msn. Hahaha I love calling her fat and telling her she's ugly. Hahaha my small fat fat cannot take positive criticisms. =D

Missed Calls.

2009-01-16T03:07:00.000+11:00

Poor little Jasmin... These few days have been pretty busy for me. Like my day is a blur, busy busy busy, and I just feel like dying at the end of it. Too tired to message her, call her, too tired to do anything. Hopefully it will change because the rest of the week ahead will be slacker.

I know she feels neglected and lonely. And when these 2 emotions abound, insecurity and depression will follow quickly. Hmmmm, its not that I don't wanna be with her, its because I can't. For the greater good, the holiday! No work = No money = No holiday.

I hate these no-brainer jobs. I hate making simple conversations with people I can't understand, don't wanna understand. I hate the looks people give me when I'm doing my job. I hate taking orders from a drop-out 40 year old "manager". I hate speaking to customers who think that the $8.80 they pay for a carton is worth a million dollars. I hate having to think of things to do when I'm bored out of my skull. I hate that the pay is absolutely shit, even the NTUC aunties tell me my job is not worth the money.

Don't tell me I ignore you because I love working. Not now. Tell me when I'm earning tens of thousands of dollars a surgery.

But by then, when you're working everyday as well, I doubt this will be an issue anymore.

I love you darling, try to understand...

The very heavy LEGO blocks.

2009-01-16T02:55:00.000+11:00

Work today was good. Damn slack, compared to the first 2 days, this was like a stroll in the park. I literally could just stand around the whole day, open my mouth when I feel like it, con some old ladies into buying drinks, and that's it! Wooo, bout a little more than a week of this to go!

Gotta stop working these jobs soon. Majority of the shoppers who approached me spoke Chinese! Surprising, considering that I never really had to use Chinese to speak to anyone in my childhood. Hmmmm yea these few weeks my fluency in Chinese seems to have increased by a lot. Its weird that, when I talk to my mum sometimes, I can rely on Chinese words to get the message across more effectively. Hmmm, that's why some kid's Chinese results are better than others, they just use the language more! Screwed up advantage. Hahaha but its good la, though I prefer to speak good English and stilted Chinese instead.

Concerned for my dad and his future career. He wants to take a job in Sydney, which pays half his current salary. I'm not so comfortable with that, though my mum has taken it positively. She insists that the move will help him slip into the Australian culture more easily, yet give him a comfortable atmosphere to work in. The majority of the company's employees are Singaporeans. My view is that the job is not in Melbourne; that defeats the purpose of moving to Australia to be with us in the first place. Secondly, the pay cut is huge. I mean, there's no real pressure for him to move now, and I would much rather he stay on in his current job, and search for something better. He's got time on his side, and we aren't in dire need of cash either.

Think it through mummy and daddy! Hopefully I will be able to convince my mum a little. Heh.

Work Work Work.

2009-01-14T04:07:00.000+11:00

Work again tomorrow! Waking up at like 6.30 am. Man that's horrible. I've like 5 hours left to sleep.

Darling Jasmin looked so pretty today I just have to mention it. Super hot in that nice dress. And kissing her today was sensational! Omg like her lips were so soft and..... woooo. Awesome kissing her today. Thanks for dinner darling!

Went for a short movie after that. Some crap horror show. Those kind that see already at night not scared that kind. Gan gan off the lights and sleep. A "horror" show.

Hmmm better go sleep, work work work. I love the exercise la, plus got free personal trainer, and the best part? They pay me to exercise. Love it. Pity the exercise starts so early. Like the first day of BMT sia.

To the girl with the hottest lips I've ever kissed: Muacks!

Instant Noodles and the Deflating Dog.

2009-01-11T05:25:00.000+11:00

Once again, dead in the middle of the night, I'm alone in my room enjoying a hot cup of noodles. Hmmm freedom. Its here, its now. If only we can sit back and observe... this is gonna be as good as it gets. The freedom to do whatever you want, however late u want. Ahhh. No more time constraints, no more uncomfortable heavy loads on my shoulders.

I'm looking at the green dog. Its cute. Its getting smaller. Love the girl who gave it to me. Never had a gift like that before, haha and it feels good to finally get one. Hmmm, life must be good for a girl huh. Always being showered with gifts (expensive ones at that) and love. Hahaha I was just thinking, if I was a girl, I'd be such a slut. Lol.

I'd probably love short, layered skirts! Hahaha and.... lets see... probably not like pants and long sleeve stuff. I'll probably wanna flaunt it! Hahaha so I'll probably have to be really hot first. Lol. This is weird. Nononono. Its getting late i think. Hmmmm I might wanna go clubbing too and hit on guys for a change. Hahaha and see what they wanna do to me! Lol That'll be fun.

Ahh what the hell, at the end of the day, I'll probably still think that being a guy is better. MCP.

Job Hunter.

2009-01-11T05:17:00.000+11:00

Busy busy busy. Looking for better jobs is such a chore. Gotta wake up at like 9 am or 10 am, flip open the classified section, browse through the jobs, call people, fake interest in the job, and feel a little crushed when I'm not suitable. At least I've got a job in a supermarket, hmmmm better be contented with that. Anyways, I think my dad might have gotten a little something for me... an invigilation job. The pay's good, but the work is irregular. Still, after my supermarket stint, I might be willing to give it a shot. Gotta help Jasmin find something too. Hmmmm that little lazy bum. And my sister ah, she should get a job too.

Top of the World.

2009-01-10T05:06:00.000+11:00

Feel so good today, especially when my results were emailed to me. Always chasing that magical 90%, a full 10% ahead of a high distinction. And I think I'm smelling it. Hahaha. So close, so very close. Next year, I'll destroy the exam paper. Hahaha. Own all the questions inside, own all the lecturers who never bother to change their questions. And next year, no more noisy soccer pitch, no more Desmond kicking balls into my window, no more Indian colony beside my room, no more Hong Kong guy jumping up and down in his room above me. No more of that bullshit. Hahahaha, but still go Henry squirting water under my door. The dust settles, the score sits at 89%. Rearm, replenish, refresh. I'll hit 90% before the war is over.

Went for the supermarket helpers training today. Boring unhelpful tips and customer relation skills. Most of the people there were waiting for their O level results. Man, the things I'm willing to do for money.

Got my new iphone unlocked today! And it is awesome. Hahaha I love all that flicking across the screen stuff. 16GB too, the better one currently on sale in Singapore. And the best part? It was my 21st birthday present, almost a full year ago. Hahaha too lazy to unlock it in Aussie.

Dinner at Billy Bombers with my mummy and sister. Man, it was a good dinner, I had the steak, which was juicy and succulent, and buffalo wings for sides. My mum had the seafood spaghetti, which was not bad, and my sister, the fish and chips. I particularly liked the buffalo wings, large and coated with light tangy sauce. The steak was way too small for my liking, and the serving of chips that accompanied it was pathetic. But the food quality was excellent.

Took a walk with my mum later that night. I find taking long walks with her very relaxing, and therapeutic. And I think she feels the same way too; she seldom passes up an opportunity to go for a walk, and I think that attitude is excellent. We talk about almost everything under the sun, my dad's job opportunities, her relatives, my studies, her job, family matters, finance, everything. I think she opens up a lot to me because I can listen, and tell her when she's wrong in a way that won't offend her. And I try to hear her out before telling her my views, and she sorts of likes that, wants that. I suspect this is because she doesn't really confide in my dad or take up these issues with him much, only all the hardcore financial stuff and other more important issues. So yea, its good for both of us, and my next aim is to increase the intensity of the walks, maybe extend the distance we cover. And definitely try to drag my daddy into coming along with us.

Hmmm well, practically ignored Jasmin the whole day... Not on purpose of course, but you know, there are days when you're so busy with things. Better call her soon! Little fattie might get upset again. Love you dearie.

Jasmin the Bimbo.

2009-01-09T03:48:00.000+11:00

Woke up super early today to see my fattie off. Dance dance dance, kick your fat ass then you know. Hahaha.

Tried looking for better jobs today. Wa lao, its so difficult finding a suitable job. Seriously, given the state of the economy, you'd think that people who wanna work for shit pay will find jobs fast. But nooooooo. I think its easier to just queue up and buy TOTO. My mum remarked that the cost of travelling around the island and time wasted filling in application forms could have been put to better use; buy TOTO. Its easier, and it guarantees that your TOTO application form will be processed. Not thrown away.

Bloody hell, one place I went, the punk at the counter with studs in his nose, tore out a page from his popular blue colour note book, and asked me to write down my name and address. He probably crushed it up after I left. People just dying to carry F&N 1.5L drink bottles for a measly $5 an hour, also so hard to find a job. Tell me, what is the Singapore government doing la. Please just give me a job la. Any job. From medical student, to serving customers at the hawker centre, to selling CNY cookies, to wiping the shit from old people's backsides, I also will do. Haiz. One day when I'm absolutely frustrated I'll just work for free la. Just open the gate, go outside and pick up all the dry leaves from the road, put inside the rubbish bin. Hmmm maybe cannot la, later the roadside sweeper come scold me, say I'm trying to steal his job. How sia.

Okok, the night was much better! Jasmin looked smoking hot today. Hmmmm. Maybe its because she's sleepy, and has that dao face on. We ate at Newton hawker centre. The food there was better than I expected. Rumours that the food there sucked and was overpriced were probably outdated. The food was surprisingly good hawker fare, though the price was admittedly a little steep. However, we had a blast stuffing ourselves with popular favourites like char kway teow and oyster omelette and chicken wings and satay and black carrot cake. Mmmm yummy huh.

Then the Jasmin's bimbo moment came. We ran out of sugar cane juice, and I went to order her another drink. The new drink came in a different container than the previous one. Jasmin immediately stared daggers at me, like "how dare you order something else! I'm so thirsty already still wanna make me drink something weird." And so she refused to drink the drink, instead choosing to sniff and sip at it for a good 5 minutes. I kept on a straight face, trying not to burst out laughing. So goondoo. Hahaha all the time I drank the sugarcane juice, watching her conduct her own mini investigation on the drink. Haha when she was finally brave enough to take a bigger sip of the drink, ta-da! Sugar cane darling! Bet she wanted to dig a hole in the ground with the chopsticks and hide. Haiz, yes that's my Jasmin for you.

The rest of the night was spent at orchard trying to decide what to do. She looked really tired, and I know the feeling of having to wear dry contacts late at night. Hmmm, so I didn't really thought that a movie would be the best way to end the night, but I also wanted to spent more time with her. She's soooo huggable she should have been born a teddy bear. Put her on my bed and let my sister beat the shit out of her from time to time.

So we decided to call it a night and go home, and yupz, it feels like the right decision now. Going home early, saving on cab fare and not needing to sleep in late the next day. Good stuff, my mummy sure approve. Hahaha

Nights all!

Her Mood Swings.

2009-01-07T05:28:00.000+11:00

Her mood swings are starting to annoy me. These few days, she can't make committed decisions, can't plan for the next few days, and basically does things on impulse, influenced by emotion and mood. Which is sort of the reason why we have nothing planned for the rest of the week. I've given up asking her to go out with me, because it seems to be it doesn't really matter that much to her. I can sense something's wrong when she can't remember appointments but pretends to, and constantly changes her mind on confirmed dates. Something's amiss.

And she now has this "you don't seem to want me as much as your ex" thing going on. Oh yea, she doesn't say it, but I'm not stupid. I'm tired of you comparing your treatment with hers. I've left her behind so long ago, why are you still carrying her around? The only reason you fell inferior is because you're constantly comparing yourself with her, when I'm treating you as a totally different person. You'll never be contented. Put her away and lets make our own way together.

Besides, I'm putting more into this that I ever did. She doesn't realise it, and that's why she's sulking. Its the subtle things, the more meaningful overtures, the introductions, the invitations she's failing to catch. She tends to want the material stuff, the taxi fares, the long trips, the hardcore "I'll do anything for you." stuff. Missing the point, and coming out wanting. I think I play this game better than you do.

Can't be all bad can it? Nah, she's been fantastic sometimes on her part. I can see she wants this to work, and her heart is in this. She just needs to feel a sense of security every now and then. Needs to feel loved and looked after and wanted. She has put a lot into this relationship, and I deeply appreciate that. Coming here all the way from home in the hot afternoon sun, and offering to buy food was heart warming. It was my fault for not planning my meals properly. So yea, I can see her efforts, and that's where my sense of security comes from. Love her personality too, the "I'm a fat little girl let me eat everything and don't call me stupid" image she tries so hard to shake off. Hahaha its never going to go away. Because if it does Jasmin wouldn't be Jasmin anymore.

I love you dear.

Henry's Birthday!

2009-01-07T04:44:00.000+11:00

Today we went to Mirama Hotel for a Japanese buffet dinner. It was Henry's birthday! The big old fattie looked so happy to be surrounded by so many of his friends, and stuffing his face with good raw fish. The Japanese buffet was excellent, but the service left a lot to be desired. The staff were either inattentive or too busy to serve the tables, and we quickly got tired of attracting the waiters attention. The sushimi was fresh and juicy! I particularly liked the swordfish and the octopus slices. The swordfish flesh has this firm and springy texture which I like and the octopus was delightfully juicy. The salmon was not bad too, but now-a-days, almost every sushi chain sells good salmon sushimi. The sides were good, but not impressive. I liked the yakitori, and the tempura stuff, particularly the sweet potato. The chawan mushi was not bad either, smooth and light tasting.

Any way, the Monash people seemed to have enjoyed themselves. Yea, long time no see. Such good friends. Hmmmm. We went to Clark Quay afterwards for some drinks, and yupz, called it a night. Good stuff, much like us gathering every Sunday for dinner and chit chatting.

Hmmm, the only pain in the neck thing was Star and her new BF. Omg how irritating can she get, not only did it become sort of awkward around our table, but she was irritating me the whole night. Freaking girl, its just so hard to smile and chat with her. Its like forcing myself to be nice to some annoying 12 year old. Not to mention her new beau, zzzz the same guy she left with after clubbing at the Butter Factory. What a slut la.

And this Jasmin too, the way she behaved puzzles me. When other girls leave with guys after clubbing to go home, they're sluts. When Star does the same thing, she's like "don't say that about my friend!" Lol. Now that's double standards. Sometimes when we take a step back and examine how we examine others, we realise that we're influenced subconsciously by the worth of that person to us. In the case of a friend, doing things which others would readily frown upon becomes acceptable in our eyes. Yes you have a slut for a friend, cute and bubbly and easy-going she may be, but a slut at that too.

And me? What about myself? Talking about double standards made me think. Yes, I am one of those guys who go to clubs to have fun and hope to pick up girls. One of those guys who eye the crowd, check out attractive ladies and well, maybe get lucky! Hahaha. But the line stops there. I don't go and buy girls drinks, flaunt my money, go up to girls and dance with them. Making the first move in clubs is a no-no for me. "You suck la! Chicken!" you may say, but hey, I'm not desperate, I don't wanna be embarrassed (though now I thing my threshold is pretty high), and I don't think its right. Yes, I don't think its right to hit on drunk girls who can't think straight, and you're perfectly sober, but high and daring. Then what about me and Jasmin? Yes, I did whatever I did for the wrong reasons. But I'm glad it turned out the way it did.

Today, she told me she's gonna perform at some air base for NS guys. The first thing that came to mind was, "Z oh man, so its another one of those shows where all you have to do is show flesh and get paid". Basically that's what happened in my previous camp, and boy, it was low class and bordering sleazy. And I'm sure things aren't far off in the army bases. Her reason for doing the show? "I need the money". Almost couldn't hide how disappointed I was. Dancing to a crowd at a shopping mall would definitely be better than to a crowd of NS guys. Hahaha the only thing on their minds is "What's up her skirt?" and "If only". I know, because I was once amongst them, and me and my friends went crazy after being starved of girls for so long. Yea, sex withdrawal does that to you. So I didn't tell her how I felt, and I don't think she got how I really felt, but I think she's going to do it anyways. Sigh, its derogatory, and she deserves better.

Please don't do it Jasmin...

The Darling.

2009-01-04T05:50:00.000+11:00

These few days, the Darling has been awesome. Like, surprising, mind-boggling and amazing. Hahahah. Apparently my Darling has had a few more life skills than I expected. LOL.

Given her character and personality, I was expecting a few surprises. I accepted that, didn't mind that. But I was blown away. Ahahaha.

Had to question her about it, find out more, dig for more interesting details. My mind was having such a work out, trying to figure it out, wondering if she had lied to me. But then the truth came. And it wasn't something I expected, nor imagined. But it sounded genuine, and I believed it. Like OMG, hahaha I never knew people in those circles could have to much fun!

And so it came to pass, that The Mushroom was forced to reckon with a power greater than himself. A power so mysterious and skilful, that its very existence could send ripples throughout worlds. And the ripples have rocked the world of the Mushroom.

The Mushroom asked if there was a fan-club. Hahaha And he got pinched. My Darling can't be jealous over that!?! There must be a way to make communication... the student seeks more knowledge from the master.

My Darling has been really sensitive these few days. Hahaha And vulgar too. But that's okay, she's so entertaining to watch. Ahahaha Love you to bits dearie!

Infected Eyes.

2009-01-04T05:33:00.000+11:00

Just recovered from a bout of conjunctivitis. It was sooooo bad. I teared so much and so often. And it really hurt when I wore lenses for too long. Felt like I was wearing sandpaper for contact lenses. A few days after wearing just spectacles, my eyes feel pretty good. Hope its over. Its the second time this has happened. Almost finished Jasmin's pack of tissues. Hahaha And it was a huge pack.

The eyes itched when I rubbed them. Rubbing them caused the itch to get worse, much like a mosquito bite. And after all the rubbing, they were so sore, so tender it hurt when I dabbed my eyes with tissue paper. Hmmmm.

The tearing of the eye has something to do with having a blocked nose as well. The same eye on the same side of the blocked nasal cavity would tear much more than the other, though both were infected. Once I got rid of the blocked nose by taking some Panadol cold, the tearing was significantly reduced. Interesting huh.

The Voodoo Doll.

2008-12-31T20:36:00.000+11:00

The Voodoo Doll looks super cute! Especially with the pins stuck in its groin. Hahaha the facial expression totally suits it. So glad I bought it, every time I look at it feel like laughing. Hahahaha

D-Day Success!

2008-12-31T06:40:00.000+11:00

The Mushrooms have landed on Normandy!

Mushrooms have crawled all over and infested little Jasmin's heart. hahaha

She never looked more happy than tonight. =D

Far Horizons.

2008-12-28T03:33:00.000+11:00

Dreaming is not what people do when they sleep.

Dreaming is what keeps people from sleeping.

My dreams, ambitions and goals are near impossible. But looking back, to be where I am now, was a dream itself. I shall keep dreaming. I want to keep dreaming.

My mummy said to me:" Always reach for the stars. Even if you fall, you fall on the moon."

The Gathering.

2008-12-28T03:27:00.000+11:00

Harvest time. The day I collated all my photos from the other old computers. Have to wipe the computers clean before we sell them off. I think I only have photos dating back to 2006. Man. What happened to the rest of my life. Lol.

Went back into the future today, just by looking at some photos. So many memories, bitter-sweet, hidden away in my brain. A treasure trove, storage of precious memories, waiting to be replayed over and over again. Saving them for old age, hope they last.

The test of time.

Success!

2008-12-27T17:55:00.000+11:00

Yay! Guess what? My mum went to download the images on the video camera. She was shocked. "How come only 15 pictures in here?!?" she exclaimed. I put on my best "I tried to tell you this many times before but you never listened" face and told her, "Cos inside only got space for 15 photos what." Ownage.

Following which, I related a sob story. During my Hainan trip, I had to ration the number of photos I took in a day. I counted only 5 photos maximum a day. Anything after that, I had to scroll through the 5 pictures, choose the ugliest one, and delete it to make space for a new photo. Damn sad la, unheard of, camera not enough memory for more than 5 photos a day. I have no pictures of Macau to bring back precisely because of that. Tell me how stupid that is. Fly all the way there cannot take pictures. O.o

Anyways, like all my long overdue upgrades, sigh, she agreed to get me a new camera. Which obviously need my guidance in choosing the right one (She somehow has an inbuilt internal money counter). Warning Warning! Too expensive! System Overload! Choose cheaper and least functional brand to temporarily satisfy need! Save money money money! Later when he complains again then buy another cheap camera!

My Aunt the Missionary.

2008-12-27T03:47:00.000+11:00

Aunty Alice. Sister, Aunty, Missionary.

We gathered for dinner today, my dad's side. The BeeHoon, pork knuckle, honey roast chicken and the ham were the highlights of the dinner. I liked the pork knuckle. Later, we gathered in the living room to chit-chat. The topic soon turned to religion. An interesting discussion ensured; what was the difference between the different Christian churches and denominations? Aunty Alice was good at explaining this. Apparently the was the universal Church 2000 years ago. It split into the Greek Orthodox and Roman Catholic bodies. The Roman Catholic church begun to lose its affinity with the bible, and thus the other denominations began to splinter from it. Today, Roman Catholics still exist, but so do the other denominations which stemmed from it. What sets them apart, from what I gathered, were the styles of worship and different religious practices. However, what bound them together under the banner of Christianity was that they based their churches on the bible. Individual denominations were but movements by church members who felt that their churches were going off track, veering away from the teachings of the bible. These zealous Christians then begun their movements to revive their churches and to follow the bible more closely. Hence Methodists were founded by a guy who was know to be very methodical in his approaches to things. He was influenced by the holy spirit, and thereby started teaching people about the gospel in a methodical way. In other words, he found a methodical way to teach whatever was in the bible to fellow Christians. Hence the term Methodist! People who study the bible methodically. So what is the difference between Methodists and Anglicans and Presbyterians and Charismatic Christians etc? They were simply different revival movements founded by different people. Now the crucial questions is, regardless of what denomination your church is, how closely does it follow the Bible? That is the difference!

I can attend a Presbyterian church one day and a Methodist church another, simply because they are just places of worship! What matters most is your personal relationship with Christ! The 2nd most important thing would probably be how much your church keeps to the teachings of the Bible.

As Joel Ee once said: "I'm willing to travel far for good scripture." Somehow I always remember him saying that to me.

The friend who peels prawns at 2 am.

2008-12-25T20:03:00.000+11:00

I have a friend. He de-shells prawns at 2 am when he can't sleep. Then, he licks the knife clean and puts it back into his tub of cooking equipment. The very same knife he periodically threatens me with, behind closed doors.

He has violent tendencies. My cries for mercy and forgiveness are often met with hysterical laughter and glee. He loves to feel powerful, to feel in control. The bed and pillow and especially his blanket, all bear evidence of his capacity for violence. Slash marks, torn fibres, serrated edges bear silent witness to the events that previously unfolded in the room. He is careful. Always sure to draw the curtains or close the door to deflect wary eyes. His room is deceivingly simple and welcoming. Many a weary traveller often find themselves seeking rest on his bed. Taking comfort in his calming words. Then, quickly, he shuts the door.

I hear endless screams echo across the hallways.

His face... reminds me of the villain of the Texas Chain-saw Massacre. Big fat peeling lips, large yellow square teeth, and a slimy tongue. His face is crude, like the northern barbarians of old. His small squinty eyes stare out at u from behind a pair of meticulously cleaned spectacles. His hair is always messy, and the stench of the previous night's prawn shells hangs in the air around him. His body, big and flabby, scabby dry skin and pus from old scratch wounds, causes girls' ovaries to quiver in fear. His favourite tools of torture are the penknife, the red pen, and the infamous multipurpose kitchen knife. He swings them around with a vengeance, with a crazed fury in his eyes, determined to fill all that oppose his selfish rule with terror.

His thoughts are twisted, hell-bent on destruction and chaos. He often forces himself into my room, and takes off his filthy slippers. He sniffs them. He dangles them precariously over my clean bed, bits of prawn shells still clinging to the underside. "Give me milk!" he demands. He needs a lot of it. Drinks like a pussy cat. Needs it in his food, his drink. I always give it to him.

He knows how to fight dirty. He knows my weaknesses. He is smart. "I don't share notes with u ah!" is one of his favourite threats. Jealous of my huge room, he constantly seeks opportunities to rub himself all over my pristine bed. Like defiling something so innocent, so pure. He says he loves it, and has to be forced to leave.

Sometimes, in order to get his way, he squirts water under my door. Threatens to flood my room. Many people have asked me about the little puddle of water around my door. He never gets it. The water never reaches anything important. More like a little patch of wetness after moping the floor. Such childishness I've to tolerate. But I am kind.

The monster. He obviously needs a girlfriend. I see the way he ogles lecherously at girls. Young girls, old women, fair men, little boys, MPVD, Elaine ******, he wants them all. The poor bugger. Its so hard to keep him away from the female cadavers during dissection.

But he is my friend. =D

The Same Christmas.

2008-12-25T19:47:00.000+11:00

Christmas never changes. Well, the true meaning of Christmas cannot be changed. But, superficially, all my Christmas days are identical.

A Christmas party, lots of relatives, eating, hardly interacting with any of them, end up watching television with my dad, then they leave. Now I'm alone in my room wondering what to do on Christmas day. My dad is sleeping, my mum is cleaning, and my sister is using the com. Wow right. Yet another boring Christmas day.

I've really no clue what to do. My mum's plan for tonight: Eat the leftovers, go for a long walk to burn off the fat. Z man, that's what we do every other night right?

My father gave me a shirt for Christmas. He gave it to me yesterday, unwrapped, and only because my mum sort of mentioned it. Looks like we don't bother with presents and the anticipation now.

I'm not complaining... I've got a present! Its just... everything is for the sake of doing it. What happened to the spirit of Christmas? Apart from the tree, we hardly bother to decorate the house anymore. No, we don't bother to put anything up anymore. No more opening presents together, no more sitting around the television as a family and watching Christmas shows. Have we grown up that much? Every visage of a white Christmas is gone, save for the Christmas tree which we have reused for the past 20 years. There's nothing left. There hasn't been any for years. Unlike other kids, I never believed in Santa Claus. None of that rain-deer bullshit, none of that stocking crap. Why? Because my parents never did.

The good news: We'll be getting a new tree next year.

Love Life

2008-12-25T04:47:00.000+11:00

Eeshin, Geraldine, Jasmin.

Girls ah, can bring so much happiness, and so much pain. Watched this Chinese drama serial in ZhuHai, near the border with Macau. The guy said, when a girl wants you to be happy, you'll be happy, and when she wants you to be sad, you'll feel endless sorrow.

Eeshin was my first. Young, foolish and innocent, everything felt magical. Her sweet voice, adorable face and heart-shaped smile, together with her feminine, girlish personality was simply irresistible. Little pecks on her cheeks brought so much joy into my day. Subtly, she controlled how far we went. Always careful to turn her face away when I kissed too near her lips. My first french kiss was on her balcony. The night was young, and we just finished the dinner she cooked for me. Spaghetti, one of the best I remember tasting. She had just bathed, smelt wonderful. Little bit of cuddling at the balcony, so much happiness between the both of us. Crazily in love would be the perfect phrase to sum things up. We kissed and she slipped me some tongue. The night seemed to stretch on forever.

Geraldine was my second. I was bitter, vengeful, spiteful and selfish. So sorry she had to bear the brunt of my angst. I used her and played with her. Did to her exactly what Eeshin did to me. I felt I could play with girls as and when I wanted. Horrible can barely describe my thinking and reasoning then. We started off a torrid relationship. It didn't really end because it never really started.

Jasmin, not yet. I respect this girl, yet something inside me keeps telling me to remain cautious. More mature, level-headed and less selfish, I try not to let my possessive and jealous personality mar things. This girl is everything I didn't expect, but somehow she's perfect. Her emotions come in strong waves. I can tell if she's upset or really happy just by looking and talking to her. This girl doesn't plan far ahead, she doesn't want to, doesn't need to. Happy go-lucky, I admire this aspect of her character. Complements my controlling, order seeking personality. Jasmin can be so sweet at times, and in need of constant assurance. Insecurity seems to be a major flaw in her character. But this shouldn't be a problem... that sorts of complements my possessive personality. There are 2 sides to the same coin. The loud, attention-seeking, funny and adorable girl I've come to love, and the wild and crazy girl I see in clubs. I have accepted and love both sides of her, but the question is, should I? Experience tells me otherwise. Only time can tell. Jasmin, this girl could be everything I'd ever want.

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, and the very next day, you gave it away.

2008-12-25T04:31:00.000+11:00

I love the song Last Christmas. Lol. Brings back painful memories. Eeshin.

Spending this Christmas night alone again. Somehow, I've always spent Christmas alone. Sad case sia. Jasmin is still on holiday in China, and she hates me because she thinks I don't wanna call her or message her. Sigh. Mummy vs. Jasmin. In the end Marc dies.

Try to balance both, in the end kena wack by both. Cry and then go to sleep. Haiz. This is my kind of Christmas. Emotional sia.

Will try to call Jasmin using my mum's handphone. Sure kena kpkb by both again.

Darling Jasmin, if you ever read this, don't think I'm like your ex okay. I wanna call.

Plastic Mushroom

2008-12-24T04:56:00.001+11:00

Plastic Surgery. I'm beginning to like it. Assisted with 2 plastic surgeons during the Hainan medical mission. Man. Dr. Foo could do sutures so small and so quickly. The nicest and smallest sutures I've ever seen. Not that I've seen many, but he was amazing.

The face is so damn vascular it bleeds like crazy.

New interesting techniques I've never seen before, like how they cut pieces of your upper eyelids out and suture the 2 ends together to widen your eyes. And how making those jagged cuts, removing the flesh between the skin and sewing the jagged ends precisely together actually helps the 2 ends to heal better and tighter, reducing the scar size. Fascinating. The world of plastic surgery beckons.

Under local anaesthetic, when you can't feel a thing, scalpels slice your flesh apart, hooks dig into your flesh and pulls the wound open, blood and tissue is constantly sucked out by a watchful nurse, some weird dissecting equipment sears your flesh to burn tissue off and to seal wounds, yet you sleep on. Your body is a surgeon's playground. =D

A scary thought.

The Mushroom who Sutured.

2008-12-24T04:42:00.000+11:00

The Hainan Medical Mission was simply amazing. Got to assist in surgery, and most importantly, live suturing! Insane! I was assisting Dr. Fong, and after he removed the cyst, he turned to me and said: "OK suture." I was like fuck fuck fuck I've only finished first year! And he didn't know I was only in first year!

So with trembling hands, I picked up the needle with the needle holder, and sutured. Wow. Luckily I practised a lot with my study buddy group. So I was able to suture fairly well, apart form the wide gaps between sutures, and the fact that I once poked in the needle, decided that it was in the incorrect position, removed the needle and drove it through the patient's skin again. Man, Desmond saw it, and he criticised me the entire trip for that. What the hell, hahaha I was damn scared ok! Be thankful I even remembered how to suture!

I admire Dr. Fong for letting medical students gain such valuable experiences on the field. I never knew live skin was so difficult to puncture, even with such a sharp needle. Man, the human body is really damn tough.

Suturing was my most memorable experience at the WenChang hospital.

The Mushroom who jumped off Macau Tower

2008-12-24T04:25:00.000+11:00

Insane I tell u. 233 meters above the ground. Every single thought was centred around shit shit shit I'm gonna die why did I say yes fuck fuck fuck die die die what if the rope breaks why is Christine falling so fast damn I'm freaking stupid for a medical student.

But I did it. Successfully did the world's tallest sky-jump. And I've a video to prove it! Hahaha the feeling's amazing. And the fear, the adrenaline, and the feeling of my balls quivering before stepping off the edge.... was worth it. The sudden plunge, hanging there while the photographer took shops of me... then the dreadful good-bye wave, hanging mid-air waiting to be dropped all the way down, those seconds seemed to stretch forever. Then the acceleration, the screaming. I saw the beautiful scenery on the way down, but nothing registered in my head. I hate the acceleration. Hahaha but I loved it when the speed became constant.

Definitely one of the best things I've attempted in my life. I must say, thanks to Desmond who pressured me into jumping. I regretted it until I jumped off. Then I understood. The thrill. Man.

The most difficult parts are, 1.) Paying the money. After that, its the point of no return. ahaha Its quite expensive too. 2.) Stepping off the edge. Fuck. Definitely need balls for that.

And this Christine ah. Hate her so much. The smartest and bravest girl I've met so far. A girl with such a strong character, and an adorable personality at times. hahaha Thanks for doing the jump with me. Or pressuring me into doing it. lol

The Chinese Mushroom.

2008-12-07T03:57:00.000+11:00

Off to China tomorrow morning! Insanely early flight... 6.00am. Going to Hainan Island for a medical mission trip.... basic medical stuff only. There after going backpacking around Guangdong region... Maoming, Zhaoqing, maybe Foshan, Guangzhou and finally Macau.

Hope I brought enough cash... didn't want this to be an expensive trip. And my backpack... omg... its only 5kg! The best thing was that I paid for an extra 5kg baggage allowance to top up the 15kg allotted to each passenger. Hahaha on the flip side, I'll be travelling really light. lolol. Hope I brought enough underwear.... if not maybe I can borrow from Huilin or Christine. LOL.

Speaking of underwear.... some girls wear their underwear in the day and then to sleep and then to club and then never change. For days. I mean eeeewwweee. And I thought I was gross for flipping my underwear inside out to reuse for 2 days. Sick la. Fungus and all sorts of parasites living where the sun doesn't shine. Not as if not enough washing detergent. Ewwe.

Kaez. I'm gonna wake up in like 3 hours. Hahaha man. Miss my Jasmin again la. The fatass looked so pretty today in that dress. And I love the way she smelt. The perfume masked the smell coming from her unchanged underwear.

Jasmin says 20, 24, 26

Marc says 20, 24, 30

Hahahahahahaha OK OK LA. Maybe 26.

The Mushroom and a very naughty Jasmin.

2008-12-06T21:35:00.000+11:00

Wow, the past few nights all felt like one very long day. Went clubbing on Wed Mambo night and Friday night at The Butter Factory.... tiring man..

Every day see hot girls until eyes dry nose bleed arms pain cos kena pinched by Jasmin.

On Wed night, went to Zouk with the Monash peeps and some other people. It was some of the Monash peeps first times clubbing. The night wasn't as fun as the last time I went with the Officer Cadets. Maybe guys just know how to have more fun hahahaha. But it looked like Huilin, Chunyi and Sarah enjoyed themselves, so i guess it was worth it. I've always liked mambo music, but after last Friday's R&B at Butter Factory, maybe I've taken on a liking to R&B too. Hmmm.

Saw my ex at Zouk. Hmmm. She was hotter than I expected her to be. Damn. Dances even better than before. haha But screw it, shes with some fugly ABC now and I've got Jasmin so I own her hahahahaha. Ooooh Jasmin was jealous that I kept looking at her the whole night. Zzzz possessive little thing. 1.) Haven't seen her for so many years already, just curious la. 2.) If Alex were to be there you'll be staring at him too! 3.) Why are you so jealous, you're the one I'm kissing now! 4.) You're fatter than her and I love fat fugly things.

hahahaha

Looking at my ex cannot, dance with some total stranger and going for a drink with him holding his hand can. O.o Something is not right here...

Old feelings of jealousy are flooding back into me. Usually after feeling this way, I would always bring up all sorts of childish and petty arguments to get my ex to make things up with me. But I was possessive and childish then, and she couldn't take it in the end. Being a little more mature now and less possessive, somethings I let pass, cos I'm not gonna go down in history books as a selfish person. Some hurtful and spiteful things I won't say, cos I know very well I can hurt deeply using words, and I treasure the patience and tolerance I've learnt to develop over the years.

But just cos I don't wanna argue with you, doesn't mean I can't, and it definitely doesn't mean that nothing is wrong. Its just that I never wanna say such hurtful things I can't take back. So I guess I'll use silence and time to reason with you, and perhaps when you understand how I think better I'll let you in a little more.

For now, know that I love you, and to toy with you is the furthest thing from my mind. Instead of seeing me as uncaring and mean, perhaps try to understand why I did those things, and things I could have done on impulse but didn't do. Then, maybe you can take comfort in how much I actually love you.

More little mushrooms!

2008-12-03T05:38:00.000+11:00

Gathered at Matthew's place today for a meet-the-year-ones session. Was fun to meet up with new faces and recognise the old ones again! They look like a pretty smart bunch, and I'm sure they'll be much more successful in their studies than my batch. Considering the number of RJ people there. haha Insane la. The girls in their batch also damn cute. But I still love my Jasmin more. The fugly little thing. Just can't stand her.

Went out with Jasmin today. So good to see her back again! Her smile ah.... awesome. And I love, love hugging and kissing her. Mmmmmm. Like a personal teddy bear la. Squeeze, hug, kiss and love! Mmmmm missing her already. Could tell she missed me too! So nice to have her in my arms again and have her looking back at me. Sigh. I've become such a pussy again. lolz

Wow the show Quarantine was impressive. Thought it was a no brainer at first. Those kind of Jasmin shows. hahaha just kidding. But yea... it was so worth the money. Really, first time in a long while I actually felt scared watching a thriller. And its got that zombie element in it too, my favourite. And Jasmin screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed.....

Ohohoh nearly forgot! Jasmin grew slimmer by a bit! hahaha Now she also has a nice tight ass la! Looked fantastic in her white pants today, as compared to the flabby and saggy lumps in Melbourne that were painful to look at. Woo. Lucky me. hahahahahaha.

Been already a year since I first started Med school! How fast is that! Time flies, and it really really flew by this year! Cool la, 1 year in Melbourne an I'm still a virgin.

Help the juniors, study hard, play hard, and enjoy year 2! Gonna be a fun year, I can tell. Especially staying with the guys in South East Flats. hahahaha Wild gay sex anytime, anywhere I want! Just kidding hahahahaha man I'm so warped.

Need to start talking more to the juniors, cannot be dao. Realised the seniors helped us out alot. Will probably take some of them for study buddy. ahahaha screw them over with wrong answers. hahahha

Nights All!

Male Chauvinistic Mushroom

2008-12-01T15:45:00.000+11:00

I think I'm a MCP, and I'm proud of it.

Think about it, all the traits of a girl's ideal gentleman, all revolve around the guy being essentially a MCP. Opening the door for the girl: cos the door is too heavy and she's too weak to open it for herself. Over time it stuck and applied to all doors. Paying for dinner: The girl is usually not depended on in the family, hence the heads of all families are males. It is tradition, and it is practical. Thus the girl would have less in the pocket than the guy, and hence its ok for the guy to pick up the tab. Sending a girl all the way home. Sure, cos she IS a girl and thus more susceptible to attacks and stuff.

So yes, being a guy means being a MCP. For both traditional, practical, courtesy and courtship reasons.

But why, in this modern times, where none of the above situations can apply, is a male still required to conform to the traditional ideas of being a gentleman? Automated doors, decreasing gender inequalities, increase (shocking) in female spending power, and taxis that send the girl all the way to her doorstep. Cos of tradition? Cos it appeals to the females? Courtesy perhaps?

For some relationships... I would suggest that the girl is abusing the idea of being a gentleman.

Say its 11pm. Jack and Jill are in Orchard Road making out. They decide that they shouldn't have sex in the open, and go home. Jack stays in the west and Jill in the east. Jill wants Jack to send her all the way home, knowing that if Jack does so, he won't have transport home and would probably have to either call a cab or his parents to pick him up. Jill doesn't care and insists on Jack sending her home, claiming that he wouldn't be a gentleman if he doesn't. How?

Is the idea of being a gentleman being thrown about so carelessly, and abused so freely?

Paying for dinner is another touchy issue. Nowadays, there is no such thing as a clear cut situation where the boy gets way more money than the girl. In fact, I think it is probably likely that the girl you're dating has way more pocket money than you do. And guess what, the guy, in order to have the distinct honour of being called a gentleman by the girl, has to pay for all the taxi fare, the dinner, the movie tickets, the shopping espenditure etc etc etc. And the girl gets to spend all her money on stuff she wants! Woohoo! Depleted my boyfriend's measely allowance, so I can spend all of mine on expensive Gucci and Prada stuff, which the boyfriend will probably never see her carry! How bloody twisted is that.

When you find a girl that offers to pay for dinner, saying that its her treat, omg... stick to her. Not for her money of course, but cos this girl is different from all the trash you find outside. Shes got some basic rules right.

Its surprising, that most parents agree that during dates, both the guy and the girl should be treated as equals, and the time and cost blah blah blah of the date be shared equally between the 2 of them. However their daughters do not seem to share such beliefs... hmmmm why huh...

Spending a guys money and wasting his time can be addictive I think. I imagine free taxi rides alll round the island, free dinners and movies, free this and that... and tada! an entire pocket full of YOUR own money UNTOUCHED, to spend on whatever you want! All for the price of a few "i love you"s. =D

Man, if I was a girl... I'll be a serial dater. hahaha nonono I wanna be a pornstar first.

So, little mushrooms, to conclude, guys, be gentlemen, do the right thing, but choose your girls carefully. Girls, screw the gentleman shit, be suprised when your date turns out to be one. I think the best way to turn a guy into a gentleman, is for the girls to start being one herself. hahaha That'll make the guy feel bad really fast.

And if you're a total money-sucking slut, and find a MCP willing to dote on you, damn you're lucky.

Mushroom thinking cap.

2008-12-01T14:56:00.000+11:00

My mum arh... just needs to relax. So anal bout everything... not that she just scolded me or anything, but thats how I feel in general. Stop complaining about the economy and money and taxes and work and just freaking enjoy the holiday! Whats left of it anyways, after she decided to bring her laptop, handphone and whats that thing called... PDA or something... sick la. She even went to her company's Hokaido branch. O.o

Ah yes... need to bitch about this thing. Been keeping it in me for days. Figured that if I blurted it out it wouldn't be so nice. My sis just got her results back, credits in 3 subjects and a near pass in the 4th. That means a FAIL. Wow you're not gonna believe my mum. Woah, thats a miracle already la! After all, finance was such a difficult subject for you! It very very good already! Very proud of you. Ah lets buy a packet of Japanese potato chips to celebrate!

WTF.

Even though my results have yet to be released... I already told my mum how I expected I would do... And she was like... Uh ok, make sure you keep studying hard cos its very competitive ah. The she continued reading the papers.

WTF.

Near pass for a subject = Miracle! Straight HD for the entire year = Please continue to work hard.

And I didn't even talk about my grades even once, save for the time when I first told my mum how I think I did after the exam review. Some one please tell me there is at least a little bit of favouritism going on here. Bullshit... just cos I don't snuggle up to you on the bed like a pet or act cute doesn't mean I don't need attention and affection.

Its been going on for several years now. I'm always the RELIABLE one, the one whom you can spend less time on, give less attention to, worry less about, and always DEPEND on to perform.

Thats partly why I'm so stressed at school during exam times ok, cos I'm the one both parents are relying on to support them in old age. Didn't take much for me to figure this out. For my sis's next semester subjects, my parents advised her to take French.... tell me... for what fucking use? Can't even do chinese or english properly like me. Obviously the aim is to get her to do whatever she likes doing, and will most probably suceed in. In other words, get a degree and get out of uni.

What if I fuck up for once? How? Are my parents gonna rely on her for retirement? On what, a degree based on barely there passes and a variety of useless skills?

The best part is, at the age of 19, all she has to do is cry and say that she didn't think she'll do well. Then, its... aiyo, don't cry la, mummy buy some of your favourite chips for you. The important thing is for you to work hard... blah blah blah study useless languages, play around in school, buy useless girlie things, waste money on expensive bags, spend time with your fellow ah lians and ah bengs blah blah blah and do better for the next exam ok? Mummy loves you always.

I suspect that... the nature of how my family relates to each other is one of the main reasons why... for the lack of a better term... I tend to be a MCP. Despite all this crap, I will still strive on to be the best. I'll always recount the days when I forced my mum to eat her words and rendered her speechless. How come Ivan beat you by so much in PSLE? 4 years later Ivan got owned in O levels. How come Xi Yang beat you by so much in O levels? 2 years later Xi Yang got owned in A levels. Howcome WenJun beat you by so much in A levels? Months later I'm doing med and I won't bitch about him cos hes a very very good childhood friend and still is.

Well, thats probably why she isin't so concerned about my studies anymore... cos I keep beating all her expectations. One can say I brought this all upon myself from the start...

A victim of my own success? To early to say. I won't give up... I'll be the best. And I'll do it despite all this bullshit. And I'll know, that I relied on only myself and God to get there.

And from there, anywhere is possible.

Snowy Prelude.

2008-12-01T01:47:00.000+11:00

Brrrr.... Experienced snow for the first time today. Little soft white specks floating down from the sky. So very pretty, and so very cold. It was -2 degrees... and the snow didn't melt... it carpeted the ground. Cool Stuff.

Tomorrow will be a long day... will begin my jouney back to Singapore... starting first with a 7am flight back to Tokyo. Man... I hate those small cramped airplanes... makes me clostophobic.

Hmmm.. haven't been checking my emails lately... and when I finally opened it today... Mr. Popular has 39 unread emails in just 5 days! None of them junk of course. =D hahaha man I missed so many group gatherings... hmmmm until now I wasn't sure this Japan holiday had been such a great idea. Z. Anyways... looking forward to the one on 2nd Dec. Didn't realise how much I actually missed the Monash peeps until I read all the emails.

Ooooh hey... I've read that like almost 50% of the time... a guy's thoughts are on sex! How cool is that... I'm not sure of the accuracy of the information... but I think the actual percentage is alot lower than that... hahaha I estimate I think about sex about..... hmmmm 20% of the time? That like... out of ever 5 secs.... like... hmmmm what should I do today? Play ball? Watch TV? Get some work done? Go out with friends? Sex sex sex sex sex sex Hmmm.... maybe I should visit my mum... or read a book.... or go swimming.... or blog about yesterday.... Sex sex sex sex sex sex. hahaha

Haha and no, thats not how I usually think. Mine is something like this...

Hi sexsexsex darling, sexsexsex wanna sexsexsex go sexsexsex out sexsexsex with sexsexsex me sexsexsex today?

lololol. Poor Jasmin... she'll be really traumatised when she reads this. haha
Sorry darling girl... low sex-drive people having relationships with high sex-drive people is like that one. ;D

Hahaha love you pui pui, can't wait to see you again!

Nights All!

Susukino & the roadside paos.

2008-11-30T02:30:00.000+11:00

Throbbing headache. Owww.

Great branch in Susukino. Just read a clipping on the place... home to over 4000 restaurants and entertainment outlets.

Hectic and stressful rush to gather food in time for dinner... But we managed to gather a feast for ourselves. =D Good dinner. Loved the Unagi.

Parents are watching some documentary on Bruce Lee now... boring.

Haha just remembered... my darling posted some nice pics of us! Thanks dearie, you're the sweetest. But why must you use such a fugly pic of me! hahaha eeeewwweee can't bear to look at myself... whats that lecherous thing doing kissing you? lolz. wa lao.

Wow. I'm not in the mood to blog. Hope I don't get migraines so often like my mum. Was just thinking of some weird cures for migraines Andrew mentioned... like taking anti-epileptic drugs. lolz.

Jasmin!!! Hmmm. Muacks... Dying for your kisses!

One of my police mates once fascinated me with his nickname on msn...

"The fire of her tongue." =P

Sexy Playthings.

2008-11-29T03:44:00.000+11:00

Woo.. its almost 1am here and I'm awake. Its surprising cos.. at 1am... theres absolutely nothing to do around here except to watch the adult channels on tv. hahaha But I can't. lolz. I don't want to.... And my mum is in the room. hahaha just kidding.

Today's dinner was delicious. Huge, red and hairy crabs served boiled.... and the biggest platter of sushimi I've ever seen. The seafood was sooooo fresh... and soooo good. Raw fish never ceases to amaze me with their unique taste and texture. I think maybe all fish should taste best when eaten raw. Really... and the prawns... they just seem to melt in my mouth... and they taste so sweet. Tried a few new things today... the huge crabs... sea urchin roe, which tasted sweet and mushy... and some kinda shellfish which was very chewy. Hmmm. Maybe it was still alive. Too fresh? hahahaha Man. Good meal. Three cheers for my mum's colleague.. think his name is Tada san. Fat jolly man.

Righto! Now where was I? Ah yes... asian girls! Speaking of which... had a little walk down the "orchard road" of Sapporo tonight. Man! It was flooded with hot Jap girls! I mean seriously... the kind you would see in manga and all that shit. hahaha... About a good one quarter of them were probably prostitutes. O.o They hung around these dodgy buildings that had those cheesy pictures of girls posing in bikinis. Damn... they were hot... eye candy sia... as in... they didn't show much skin... but they had these super cute faces, like the types we see in movies and stuff. And the clothes... I never knew winter apparel could keep me so hot. I mean warm. >.<

Behave man behave!

Asian girls! Hmmm... lemme attempt to answer an interesting question... Singaporean girls vs Japanese girls. Hmmmmm. I choose... the Singaporean girl! hahaha why??? Can't seem to recall any super model hot Singaporean actress... or singer... or anybody for that matter... In Japan however... hmmm its the Singaporeaness. haha its the "la"s and "ma"s and "loh"s... and the "Oooi! You wanna die ah!", "Tell you already like you can do anything like that!" and (I love this one) "I hate you!". Its the Singaporean attitude... not demure and polite like the Japanese... but demure in the Singaporean way... but also coarse and Ah Lian. A subtle mixture of both. Thats unique. Thats Singaporean.

Hmmm... I love girls! Since JC.. I've had crushes on like half the girls in class..... and outside class. hahaha. Even this year in Melbourne... during the day I act as normally as I can... at night... run around naked in my room screaming with joy at how lucky I've been to be in a batch full of pretty girls. hahaha kidding bout the running around naked part la... I do that only in Henry's room. But yea.. half the batch of girls I reckon... cool stuff eh... but as the year went by... go to know some of the girls better... and woah... medicine sure has need for the people in it to be competitive... I hate that competitive streak in girls.. Turns me off. Can you imagine... Honey, how much are you making? Ha! Loser! As long as I make more than you I'm satisfied! O.o Like...

But then again... I'm quite a MCP sometimes. But I like it that way. hahaha

Right... after all this talk... I can imagine Jasmin taking out her phone book... and calling up all her exs to bitch about me. hahaha Darling I love you kaez... and only you!

And...

You don't have fat legs dear... you have nice shapely legs which I simply can't resist watching... especially when you're on heels. Smooth long hair and a great smile... love it when you smile naturally! Your eyes... they tell me your mood... when your excited or happy... they sorta have an sparkling intensity in them... just look at the photos... when your upset or bored... they look like fish eyes. hahahah And don't give me that crap on being too fat... I love your body shape... CURVY! hahaha and who says I don't like tanned skin... you're about my skin colour! =D And your attitude! Your attitude makes you Jasmin... and thats what I love best about you! All the "Aiya don't see la fat la" and "I hate you"s and "Darling when are we going to go blah blah blah Can't you tell from my face I don't care please stop asking me about that I just wanna eat something blah blah blah". hahahahahaha just kidding darling! Simply adorable when you say these things to me.

Hmmm its late... love you small fattie.

Nights all!

Christmas trees with hats.

2008-11-28T18:28:00.000+11:00

Mushrooms mushrooms mushrooms! Its the 2nd day I've spent in Sapporo... starting to get bored of the city already. Theres only shopping to do around here. Went to an old beer factory which had been converted into a shopping arcade. Nothing fantastic I must say... but lots of shops everywhere... truly a shopper's paradise I guess.

Went to the Sapporo fish market in the morning... virtually every stall sold the same thing... crab. Big crab... small crab... half crab... crab legs... some new shellfish I haven't seen before... but that was about it. One thing interesting I noticed in Japan was that they sold fish roe in really big portions... Like in a sac about as long as my forearm and about as thick. Salmon roe seemed the most abundant. Poor little salmon... people should switch to eating mushrooms... easy to grow and cook... fungus sushi.

Googoogaagaa.. girls! I love girls... hahaha reading this Jasmin's sure to get jealous. I don't think I'll ever like caucasian girls... they're not the correct body size! Can't imagine myself hugging a girl bigger sized than me... Like hugging my dad like that... damn wierd... imagine... "Hi honey! I'm home!", then kena bear-hugged by the wife... Don't get me wrong... some caucasian girls are lovely... slim too! but... aiya... I find it more comfortable speaking to a Singaporean... no matter how comfortable it is for me to speak with an accent. Speaking of which... some Singaporeans... when they speak with accents... its so bloody fake... pains me to hear them.... sometimes I wonder if I'm as bad as I make them out to be...

Indian girls??? Darling do u want some curry? Curry fish head, curry chicken, mutton curry, roti prata with curry, curry perfume, then curry night clubbing. No thanks man... hahahahaha. But! Some Indian girls are damn cute... I've had 2 crushes so far! Its always good to have some colour in your life. =)

Blacks? Er. Erm. Please no?... please? hahaha... Prefer them as friends... some of them are really fun people to be with! Like Maureen! Shes in most of my classes this year, and its always a blast sitting next to her.

Asian girls! Fair skin, long hair, slim waists, long legs, doe-eyes, cute voices.... whats there not to like? Throw in demure attitude and a sense of humour and.... Woah. Heart stopping... Every girl has something unique about her... a series of plus points and flaws... but its this unique combo which makes her special!

Crap... going for dinner! More on oooh la la asian girls later!

Ps: My Jasmin SHOULD NOT be getting jealous after reading this, cos I love her FAT ass to bits!

Sapporo, Hokaido

2008-11-28T03:47:00.000+11:00

Groanz... its late... freaking hard to find a computer to use here. Just finished a late night noodle snack. Was starving cos the dinner portions here are so small. Wanted to bitch about my dad and today's lunch... but... due to the late hour... I think I'll let by gones be by gones..

Miss my small fat fat loads... shes so dear to me... still can't believe how lucky I am to have found her... a girl so affectionate and sweet. One question I always pondered... how come I didn't notice her sooner? Why only in July? What happened?

Too tired to reason... but then again... this is my blog... and the ability to reason is not a requirement. hehe.

Was it the boyfriend? Hmmmm... could be... I would never go for attached girls... I hate competition... hahaha eewwwe. But! I find attached girls sexy. hahaha Cos it means that theres something in them which other guys like... some hidden quality... ahahah now now... lets not dive into anymore details...

Was it that night out clubbing? hmmmmm never did anything like that in a club before... Why then? Why Jasmin? Questions questions questions... Was I playing fair? hahaha I wasn't even drunk... had never been drunk clubbing... hmmmm interesting questions...

Interesting beginning....

Nights All.

Love u Jasmin.

The mushroom that flew.

2008-11-27T12:19:00.000+11:00

Morning again! Gonna be on a flight to Hokaido soon... time to spread more spores... somehow I don't like flying. =( Cramped seats with little legroom, wailing babies and scarce refreshments make each flight such an ordeal. My only inflight comforts are the peanuts and movies. Sometimes peanuts also don't have... economy in recession, have to cut back on giving passengers peanuts. What a joke right... we only want peanuts from you. Then the movies...　the movies... shows sooooo outdated they might as well start screening Days of our lives. At least you don't mislead passengers by saying you have the "latest blockbusters in town!"

Ah yes... yes... one more complaint! Jap air stewardess are soooooooooo ugly... goodness... wa lao... I bet if the Singaporean girls in medicine go apply, they also won't mind! hahahahaha "New MODEL stewardess for All Nipon Airways!"

Nah... just kidding bout the Singaporean girls... they're a pretty bunch! Compare them to the S'porean girls in UNSW... omg... fugly as hell... should have an additional citeria for being a doctor... "too fugly... might reduce doctor-patient interaction" Thank god I'm in Monash... can chat with pretty little things to ease the pain of learning all that Pharmaco shit. If you ask me... pharmaco is really sian... the only useful drugs invented so far are Paracetamol and Viagra. One helps you get it up to have sex... the other relieves pain after sex if you're doing it wrong. lolz

Addios little Shrooms!

Tokyo

2008-11-27T01:00:00.000+11:00

Greetings my little mushrooms! Welcome to papa's updates on Day 3 of my Japan holiday. I must say.. today turned out much better than I expected... Visited the famous Yasukuni shrine... was pretty calm and serene at that place... and then went on to a war museum beside the shrine... saw a model zero-fighter up close... pretty cool plane... supposed to be one of the world's best fighters during its time... high speed and maneuverability were the plane's hallmarks.

Mum's colleague brought us out for dinner later that evening... Fantastic food I must say... highlight was my cold soba... eaten like a true japanese! As usual... none of my family members dared to try the wierd, unique or strange. All ordered hot soba... might as well go home, go to sakae sushi and eat. Freaking waste of money to come all the way here... to "savour real japanese food". Savour my balls la... thats about as authentic as whatever you're eating.

Must tell you little mushrooms about this afternoon's meal. Went to a Jap eating place... seems popular from the outside... They served rice with dishes... a bento box! Special thing was... some people cracked an egg over the rice... and mixed it with a special dark sauce... added flavour and stickiness to the rice. My dad didn't know this yet. He proudly exclaimed that he correctly led us to an authentic japanese eating house... and told us as seriously as he could:" When in Rome kids... do as the romans do... Eat as the romans eat!"

When the food was served and I cracked an egg over my rice, he told us that sometimes it was not necessary to follow blindly the practices of other cultures, and offered me his egg.

Dreams... I'm not one who remembers dreams. I think that dreams are just the effects of our bodies getting rid of unhelpful memories from our systems... one of the 3 dream theories taught to us by Ken Jones. Clearance of biological trash. But yesterday's dream... I remembered. Less important was the content of the dream.. but why I remembered it...

Dreamt that I was in an arcade of some sort. Cant remember who I went there with... but I sort of ended up at this pool area. Saw a guy chatting to jasmin... they chatted... and he soon got cosy with her. Pretty soon they were dancing lightly with each other... his hands around her waist. Then the last straw came... he leaned down to kiss her... and she kissed him back...

It was at that moment when I remembered I sort of got their attention, and then promptly left the place. That was the clearest part of the dream I could remember.

Scary dream... but as I thought about it.. 2 more things popped into mind...

1.) Realised that I didn't like the dream cos I was jealous! For the first time in a few years... the same familiar feeling gripped me... Haven't felt like this since my first ex. Hmmm... recounting the numerous times in JC when I was overcome with jealousy... I hate the feeling. Possessive and insecure, I held on to my ex so tightly, it eventually became what drove her away. She couldn't be with anyone... especially guys... and I tended to see every guy who hung out with her as a competitor. Screwed up... the things love make you do.

I promised myself never to be so jealous again... to give future girlfriends more personal space... cos I like to flirt around myself... isin't it only fair... but thats not the point... its only humane.

2.) If I'm feeling jealous again... it means that... Jasmin really means something to me... this isin't one of those games I can play with girls... I really love her! Shes on my mind half the time... and the other half is sex. hahahaha no more space for anything else! Funny though... when I think of doing it... I don't think of her... the relationship means so much more to me... there is a shift... in the beginning... being naughty was fun... now... being naughty is STILL damn fun... but.. I also just wanna hold her hands.. and go to sleep... the feeling's so sweet.

Hmmm... just read Jasmin's blog... scary girl...

In Japan

2008-11-26T02:36:00.000+11:00

Yea... the mushroom's in Japan... its cold here.. almost like the Aussie winter. It sucks being away from home so soon after I'm back...

Almost everyone here can't speak english... even the younger generations... took us so much trouble to order dinner... but it was good though... and freaking expensive... and hardly filling. Z man.. Macdonalds almost seemed appealing...

Looks like the activity forcast for tomorrow remains bleak. Unadventurous father going round searching for food the whole day. But too chicken to venture out to try the real Jap stuff.

Being so unconnected to the world leaves me feeling lonely... worse... being surrounded by family 24/7 doesn't help. Why? Cos I value friends more than family? Can't be... missed my family in Aussie... felt lonely and cut off too... hmmm reminds me of something I read on the net... We surround ourselves with those who do not matter to us... and neglect those who really matter the most... Easy to take my parents forgranted... Mummy nags all the time... freaking irritating... But she washes my clothes at night... pays for all my meals without even complaining... spends thousands of dollars on my education without even expecting to be paid back... Yet... any other day I would gladly spend days with friends I hardly know than with my mum... Its the same situation as being on holiday with family... yet feeling lonely and cut off.

Love and appreciate thy parents....

Jasmin... haven't loved a girl this much since I was 19... Don't ever wanna lose her... The way she looks and smiles at me... just makes me wanna stare into her eyes and not say a word... haven't felt so contented for a while... Can't feel this way any other way. hahaha Doing well in exams give you a temporary high... then you can throw the result slip into some little shit hole and it wouldn't matter anymore... but feeling loved... you feel really high when you're happy... and really crap when your're sad... an emotional roller coaster ride! Now thats really living life right...

Funny how I never objected to having relationships... I always thought to myself... the exhilarating high I feel during happy days... and the crappiness during sadder days... The fun times and heartbreaks... thats a life worth living.

On a lighter note! time for poking fun at people. Ah. The fat snoring pig on the bed beside me. MY SISTER. I didn't know girls could snore until I experienced my sister's snoring. Sick man. Sweet and innocent in the day and a snorting monster at night. Ah yes.. almost failed to mention the fact that Jasmin snores too. Back to my sister. Getting fatter again. Haiz. Its a sad world.. when everyone around you gets fat. Like some get fat revolution. Woo Hoo. And leading the revloutionary front.... we have JASMIN TAN!

Miss my Jasmin. =(

The Beginning.

2008-11-25T03:26:00.000+11:00

And so it begins! Time to spread my spores around.... hehehe... Let me begin by stating in broad terms the nature of the blog. hahaha hmmmm wonder where that came from... this bloggie is for MY entertainment only... and thus can be expected to be full of shit. =D

Right! Day 1. Went out with the BEAUTIFUL jasmin tan today. O.o Loved her dress. wanted to rip.... ahem. yupz. went for lunch at some random kopi tiam and had XO fish noodles. hmmm the first time i heard of such a thing. was good though. The weather was freaking hot though... jasmin was as sticky as ever. hahaha this is gonna make the poor girl so self conscious. bet if i like pushed her against the wall she'll stick there.

Then we went orchard... bought this cute and fat little santa claus...and named him Qbert. Nice little addition to my collection of soft toys. I'm not gay by the way... i just love fugly looking things.. just like jasmin! =D

Watched Body of Lies at the cathay. Jasmin fell asleep 5 minutes into the movie. 10 minutes later she drooled over my shirt sleeve. 15 minutes later when i stuffed popcorn up her nose she couldn't feel it. 2 hours later when everyone left the theatre, including me, she was still sleeping. Some people should just stick to cartoons.

Dinner at a Russian place i often use to lure young little girls to hang out with me. Just kidding la. Jasmin liked it though... hehe. Food was really good... i love the place. Even Qbert got a seat at the table. Had the lamb something... fantastic.. will be back one day.

I must say... Jas was right... finally a proper date... and it turned out so well. hmmmm. Thanks jasmin! Miss u already.

Kaihan is gonna be updating his study buddy facebook account regularly. Freaking hell I really respect that guy... how the heck can you do so much stuff... all that motivation. INSANE u hear me... thank god I'm in your studdy buddy. Leaching on and sucking all his aura. Makes me stronger... one day I can level up and own him. hahaha

Someday... I'm gonna be a surgeon... and i'll change my name so i can operate on all my friends! =D

OK man... time to talk to jasmin. Or else... tonight's opening conversation will be .... I HATE U. u don't care about me! if you cared about me you wouldn't call so late! what you do with your life is none of my business! i'm gonna off to date some cute guy i picked up from the trash outside by block! yea! and he looks 100 times more fugly than you and has only enough brain to pull down his pants when he shits but i don't care because he has a car!

hahaha ooooh jasmin is gonna kill me. that fat bimbo. love her to bits!

Good Night All.