Sex, Marriage & Adultery

First things first, let me try to sort some things out. From what I know, the Bible says that adultery need not be sex, adultery is simply being unfaithful in the mind. Like when you're married and you look at a woman, and you picture yourself in bed with her, that's adultery. Acts of unfaithfulness, not restricted to the physical. Surfing porn would fall into this category. So would marrying a woman, realising that she's too fat, divorcing her and then marrying a more petite lady. 

Easy, clear-cut cases. How about the following few:

1.) Marrying a woman, not loving her at all, never slept with her, no kids, no relationship whatsoever. For example forced marriages. If you divorce, and remarry, is that adultery? Don't you need to be in a "real" relationship with someone in the first place for adultery to happen? Singles can commit adultery, because no matter how brief or shallow their interaction is with their partners, a level of relationship existed between both parties. What if you've never had any thoughts, feelings or intimacy with your "forced marriage partner"

2.) Surfing porn. What if you just surf porn purely for sexual relief? Like how guys need to feed their sexual appetite once in a while or everything will sort of seem off. I mean, if there's no use for porn and its so evil and its a path to many other vices, shouldn't we ban porn everywhere? Even in Singapore, there's no real control over access to pornographic websites. I'm sort of under the opinion that they're around because we need them. Guys need them for sexual relief once in a while, or else they'll turn to more "evil" sources. Like prostitution and rape. Its sort of providing the community with a lesser evil to replace a greater evil you don't want happening. Keeps crime rates under control, and you can't stop access to porn sites because millions are created daily. 

Back to the topic! So why do guys keep surfing porn? Its addictive, yes, but only because it grows from a "need". Like smoking, drugs, gambling blah blah blah. First time you surf porn or smoke or try drugs, a "need" no matter how big, gets established inside you. Subsequent times the need gets stronger and stronger until you need the stimulant at regular intervals in your life. So when you need to surf porn, and you just do it for sexual relief..... is that adultery? You can't remember any of the girl's faces you've just seen, like 1 minute after surfing porn. You've got zero relationship with the girls. You've done nothing physical with the girls. All you need from them is to help you with sexual relief. And that's all you want, that's all you take from them. No more fantasying about them later etc. I feel its wrong, I know its wrong to surf porn because it stimulates demand and exploitation etc, but who tells you that porn is wrong in the first place. Your parents, and then their parents their teachers their this their that their everyone. Everyone learns that its wrong from someone else. So who was the first one who said that its wrong? When you ask someone if porn is good or bad... They say bad! YAY clap clap clap. Who told them its bad? Their parents. Who told their parents? Grandparents. Blah blah blah.

We've learnt something, without questioning WHY it is taught that way! Adultery is the real reason why porn is bad. But the links are missing. How does surfing porn purely for sexual relief related to adultery? And if you can't surf porn, what other acceptable avenues exist for you to gain sexual relief? Maybe when you stop surfing porn, the need for sexual relief disappears. What if it doesn't? Then what? Get married to avoid needing sex and thereby committing adultery? 

3.) From the bible, I understand that adultery covers a wider range of topics that just sex. From most of society's point of view (which tends to be very narrow and confounded by multiple influences eg. culture, education), adultery is and tends to involve sex with another person outside marriage. I mean, you don't see a single guy having sex with a different girl every week and say that he's committing adultery. You say that he's sleeping around. On the other hand, when  you see a husband sleeping around behind his wife's back, ah! then we say he's committing adultery. In society, adultery is overly associated with marriage. But that's only my view, and that's only because I'm a Christian. What is adultery to non-Christians? 

Perception! Again, people taught us how to think, and how to interpret situations. People think they know what adultery is and is not. But its not so clear. It has different meanings for different people, and it varies between religions, races, cultures. My view of adultery is a narrow-minded and stilted as yours!

4.) Intercourse is penetrative sex. Lets put aside all that oral and anal shit. Adultery is committed in the mind. Can you have intercourse without it being adultery? Which is worse, fantasying about a woman, and imaging having sex with her, or when your having sex with a prostitute in the dark. You've no feelings for the prostitute, say your mind is clear (you're thinking about work) and you're just going through the motions. I know that scientifically that's impossible, but is it adultery then? When you can separate the physical (sex) from the psychological (adultery)? Say a person is brain dead, and someone has sex with him, (its possible to unconsciously stimulate a person) is that adultery? Hmmm. Again, the right answer is YES! Everyone screams yes and then the whole room keeps quite when asked to explain why.

Please don't be confused by my thoughts, because I'm one of those people who have been brainwashed about the rights and wrongs in life, but not know why. Simply asking why is right right and why is wrong wrong opens pandora's box on what is really right or wrong.