Mushroom thinking cap.

My mum arh... just needs to relax. So anal bout everything... not that she just scolded me or anything, but thats how I feel in general. Stop complaining about the economy and money and taxes and work and just freaking enjoy the holiday! Whats left of it anyways, after she decided to bring her laptop, handphone and whats that thing called... PDA or something... sick la. She even went to her company's Hokaido branch. O.o

Ah yes... need to bitch about this thing. Been keeping it in me for days. Figured that if I blurted it out it wouldn't be so nice. My sis just got her results back, credits in 3 subjects and a near pass in the 4th. That means a FAIL. Wow you're not gonna believe my mum. Woah, thats a miracle already la! After all, finance was such a difficult subject for you! It very very good already! Very proud of you. Ah lets buy a packet of Japanese potato chips to celebrate!

WTF.

Even though my results have yet to be released... I already told my mum how I expected I would do... And she was like... Uh ok, make sure you keep studying hard cos its very competitive ah. The she continued reading the papers.

WTF.

Near pass for a subject = Miracle! Straight HD for the entire year = Please continue to work hard.

And I didn't even talk about my grades even once, save for the time when I first told my mum how I think I did after the exam review. Some one please tell me there is at least a little bit of favouritism going on here. Bullshit... just cos I don't snuggle up to you on the bed like a pet or act cute doesn't mean I don't need attention and affection.

Its been going on for several years now. I'm always the RELIABLE one, the one whom you can spend less time on, give less attention to, worry less about, and always DEPEND on to perform.

Thats partly why I'm so stressed at school during exam times ok, cos I'm the one both parents are relying on to support them in old age. Didn't take much for me to figure this out. For my sis's next semester subjects, my parents advised her to take French.... tell me... for what fucking use? Can't even do chinese or english properly like me. Obviously the aim is to get her to do whatever she likes doing, and will most probably suceed in. In other words, get a degree and get out of uni.

What if I fuck up for once? How? Are my parents gonna rely on her for retirement? On what, a degree based on barely there passes and a variety of useless skills?

The best part is, at the age of 19, all she has to do is cry and say that she didn't think she'll do well. Then, its... aiyo, don't cry la, mummy buy some of your favourite chips for you. The important thing is for you to work hard... blah blah blah study useless languages, play around in school, buy useless girlie things, waste money on expensive bags, spend time with your fellow ah lians and ah bengs blah blah blah and do better for the next exam ok? Mummy loves you always.

I suspect that... the nature of how my family relates to each other is one of the main reasons why... for the lack of a better term... I tend to be a MCP. Despite all this crap, I will still strive on to be the best. I'll always recount the days when I forced my mum to eat her words and rendered her speechless. How come Ivan beat you by so much in PSLE? 4 years later Ivan got owned in O levels. How come Xi Yang beat you by so much in O levels? 2 years later Xi Yang got owned in A levels. Howcome WenJun beat you by so much in A levels? Months later I'm doing med and I won't bitch about him cos hes a very very good childhood friend and still is.

Well, thats probably why she isin't so concerned about my studies anymore... cos I keep beating all her expectations. One can say I brought this all upon myself from the start...

A victim of my own success? To early to say. I won't give up... I'll be the best. And I'll do it despite all this bullshit. And I'll know, that I relied on only myself and God to get there.

And from there, anywhere is possible.