Free-spirited, carefree, going with the flow, living up the moment, impulsive, whatever you call it... But her personality which I adore so much has its negative points. It makes her come up with stuff at the very last minute, fickle minded, and not putting much, if any thought into things. That's the root cause of her disappointments in life. But she doesn't realise it, because her character is such that she gets over disappointments easily and readily.
She asked me to go to Chinatown with her at 12 am. I was like... are you serious? Everything would be closed! Then she argued that it would be swarming with people till 2 am. I told her that by the time we go down there, at best, we'll spend 1 hr 30 minutes there and then have to go home. Disappointment hits her again. She sighs heavily over the phone. Its moments like these that pisses me off. So is it my fault for not going with you? Sure darling, I can be your ideal guy and go with you right then. But please tell me you thought of how we can get home after that or what else we're gonna do. Don't make me feel bad for not supporting your hair-brained ideas, just because I can think through things more completely. I hate to disappoint you, and I get this feeling from you pretty often, and I always feel its my fault when it isn't.
Holiday planning has been a semi-disaster so far. The first few discussions we had, all ended in her feeling disappointed as usual and not wanting to go on the holiday anymore. Took me so much effort to stop myself from telling her that when she is independent one day, she'll never be able to plan a holiday by herself. To "research" a holiday destination, she simply googles up some lovely pictures on the internet, finds some websites with more lovely pictures, sends the websites to me and tells me she wants to go there. What's the budget like? Dunno. (Or got it confused with another website) How do we get there? Dunno. Terms and conditions? Dunno. Do you wanna do the activities on the package you showed me? Dunno. I think I have the right to be irritated at this point.
The worst part; she hates to admit that she's wrong. Instead, she'll think of a reason to try to validate her arguments, which pisses me off even more. The top of the list? Over the price of holiday packages and room rates.
J: The prices for holiday packages and room rates are the same!
M: How can that be? Its impossible. Holiday packages include room rates as well as the cost of other activities!
J: I know, but its the same! Because the tour operators are.... (some reason that I didn't understand and didn't make sense)
M: Think about it. One includes room rates and activities. One is purely cost of room rates. Both same price?
J: I dunno la, but that's what I found out.
Darling, and you ask me why people don't take you seriously. Did you really want me to finish the above argument with you?
Don't tell me stuff like "I confirm." or "Duh-uh". The latter especially pisses me off. By saying that, you're telling me that you've went through everything, know more than me, and that I have completely no reason to question you. Don't ever say that to me unless you're sure you know more than me. If you think the questions I ask you are stupid, then don't you think that there's a reason why I asked them in the first place?
I don't like arguing with her over small things... I wanna try to bring her to see the big picture... Nothing wrong with not knowing anything about where we wanna go. But something's wrong when you don't know anything, come to me talking like you've got it all worked out, get me irritated and doubtful of your capabilities, you disappointed and your feelings crushed, both of us ending the night unhappily. Something's gotta change on your side right? I mean, what do you want me to do? Smile and agree with everything you say, then let you go there and be disappointed again, and having no one to blame but yourself? That's your ideal, traditional, non-MCP, gentlemanly boyfriend you so want to have right? Yes darling, we'll go where ever you want, we'll get a house which can hold 4 people, never mind that we'll exceed budget, miss a day or two because we didn't figure out transport, have no money to eat, and realise that we're actually staying in a shack by the beach because you were mislead by the website photos. Never mind all these! Darling because I am your gentlemanly boyfriend, I'll give you whatever you want, and suffer all your disappointments with you.
Sorry, I'm not such a person. I think you deserve better. And I don't want you to be disappointed so much anymore.
This post will probably hurt her. But its words that are truthful and sincere that have the most impact... There's only so much I can bring myself to say to her over the phone, I hate to hear her agreeing with me with such sadness in her voice.
Can't change your personality... That's who you are, that's what makes you Jasmin. And I don't want you to change it. Instead, try controlling it... Impulsive and carefree when times allow, but keeping such thoughts and feelings in check when necessary. That'll help you avoid disappointments in life.
I can tell you this because I like to be like you. I wanna not plan, not think through things so much. To go with the flow. But I can't, cause I'm naturally a very critical person... I evaluate people and things, form my opinions on them, stereotype them. To make a simple decision requires me to think so much... The prices of bread at Coles, where to go out, whether to meet you in the middle of the night...
So many things I wanna do... But once I control my impulses, think things through... suddenly the impulses disappear... And I realise I made the decision for the better. Not boasting about myself, just that I think you might benefit from thinking things through a little more...
That's right... That's what I should have said to you instead of that 5 minute lecture...
Darling, think through things a little more.
iloveyou. Still. Always.
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