Sunday, February 22, 2009

Monkey Brains & Lamb Shank.

Ever thought of eating your soft toys? Hahaha I have. If it could ever happen, it would be a feast. Lets have a look at our potential soft toys food menu.

Appetizer: 

Live Monkey Brains

Soup of the Day:

Braised Bear Paws in Herbal Soup

Main Course:

Lamb Shank with Garden Vegetables and Mash

or

Hot Plate Dinosaur with Spring Onions and Rice

or

Fried Snake Skin with Soya Sauce and Noodles

Desert:

 Qbert's Christollen 

Choice of  Drinks:

Sunflower Juice

or

Piglet's Oriental Tea

or

Dragon's Extra Strong Stout



This delightful spread will cost $1k per pax, and will only be available under still undetermined conditions. Prevailing service charges and government taxes apply. 

Saturday, February 21, 2009

You and I.

This thing between you and I. Its growing, its getting stronger, its binding tighter. It won't go away easily, that's for sure. Its getting harder and harder to live life without you. Someday we'll probably be inseparable. I can tell from your desire to meet me more and more. The way we always seem to enjoy ourselves together. The insatiable urge to bite me. 

I'm not as concerned about the way we spend money as I once was. I now know that you understand my situation a lot better, and that you are much more conscious of your spending habits. There's still room for improvement, but I admit that you've come a long way. That's good, and I love you for that. You're willing to change for me, and there's much more to our relationship than I had initially hoped for.

I know that you've understood the gist of how I normally think and react... And therefor sometimes when I mention or discuss certain thorny issues with you, its not contention anymore, its appreciation. You like to ask me what I am thinking of sometimes, and I most certainly would like to know what's in your head all the time. So, my dear, sometimes when I mull over thorny issues aloud, its not always about you, about us. Its so that you'll know how I feel about things. How I come to conclusions by myself. 

I know I like to beat your backside a lot. But you're not wrong all the time. We've reached the stage where we can talk about things together. 

Like how I never want Valentine's day to be at a hawker centre. I'll do it the expensive way. If I can. =P 

The Dreaded Question.

I hoped that this day would never come. It was like awaiting the inevitable. The day where the blissful calm would be shattered and be replaced by the turmoil of mistrust and suspicion and anger. The day you would ask me the dreaded question. 

In fact, this time no questions were asked. I was simply told. I was slightly taken aback and appalled. I thought it was over. I thought we were through with it. I thought you had promised me. 

My mind whirled. Considered what I would do, what I would have to do if you went. The thoughts didn't please me. They made me sick. I couldn't. But if you had went ahead, then I would have to. I've dropped too many warning signs. I've voiced my concerns. I don't know what else to do. 

It wouldn't be pretty. I'm sure I'll be in pain for quite a while. But I'll still do it anyway. 

No excuses, no pleas, no threats. My heart is wrapped in your love, but my brain still holds its vigil over my paths. No more. 

Friday, February 20, 2009

Selfish.

3 hours past midnight. I was hungry. Crept downstairs to the kitchen, searching. Looked at a cupboard stocked with instant noodles. Continue to eat this artificial shit and soon your hair will fall off, I told myself. The pineapple tarts caught my eye. Bengawan Solo pineapple tarts. Neatly stashed inside a green cardboard covering. I opened it slowly. The golden brown tarts looked like over-sized oval pills. Tempting. I peeled off the scotch tape, and removed the plastic cover. Picked up the fattest looking tart I saw. Put it in my mouth. Flavours rushed through my mouth. The sweet and tangy taste of the pineapple filling. The puffy crust which was so soft it melted in my mouth. Irresistible. I popped another into my mouth. Damn these little buggers were good. Yet another. The fourth one made me look back into the container. An empty hole had been formed amongst the neatly arranged cookies. Gone within a minute. So fast... too fast. 

Selfish. What if the others noticed that the pineapple tarts had been opened? Two days, maximum. Then they would be gone. No more delicious yummy pineapple tarts. Easy decision. I covered the open container. Slid it nicely back into the green cardboard covering. Returned it to its original position, and placed a whole box of Japanese noodles onto it. No one would suspect a thing. 

How selfish can human beings get? Family members hiding goodies from one another. That's just the tip of the iceberg. Goodies, gifts, money, land, people. The desire to have can be strong. And the human conscience and resolve, weak. 

Luckily its only a box of pineapple tarts. 

Thursday, February 19, 2009

New Stuff.

New phone, new wallet, new clothes and new haircut. New stuff, branded stuff, cooler stuff, more expensive stuff. What for? To make myself feel good? To show other people I'm fashionable and cool? Why the need to have new stuff all the time? 

I changed my wallet because my old wallet was too worn to be used. I changed my phone because my new phone was a gift and it has been sitting around in my drawer for more than a year. And I wanted to sell off my old phone before it devalues further. New clothes because I've looked in the mirror recently before going out and thought that I really looked like I was wearing rags. For me to think that I look like a beggar means that my clothes are from the previous era and really cannot make it. Really I'm still wearing the stuff I wore like in Secondary 4. New haircut because I'm returning to Melbourne soon and haircuts there are pretty expensive. 

Wearing and using new stuff makes me feel good. Like people can notice what I have and think positively of me. That I look good, dress well, have good taste in expensive goods and am technologically competent. But I've always been thinking... What for? Who are you trying to impress? Does it really matter?

My mother once said to me, never mind all those people who comment about you, and look down on you. So what? These are the people who don't matter to you. As long as you don't look down on yourself, that's the most important.

I find that really true. It has helped my mummy rise up in her dog-eat-dog world, shamelessly fighting the glass ceiling in her male dominated workplace, commanding the respect of cadres of top executives worldwide. Every time she repeats her stories of success to me, I find it hard not to listen. There's gotta be something I can learn from her success right? Something I can use to push myself to greater heights.

So does it matter? So what if your friend notices your new Gucci wallet? Means you got more money than her? Means you work harder than her to get it? Means your parents give you a lot of money to spend? Means that you have better taste than people? Having a Gucci wallet, or any other branded goods for that matter, doesn't answer any of the questions above. What more if the friend was a complete stranger. Would your status and wealth matter? 

Fools. If only we open our eyes... they're all around us. People so caught up in establishing and advertising their egos and wealth and status, that they lose themselves in their mad chase for all things branded and expensive. Shop loads of fools. Just go to Paragon. Look inside Gucci, Prada, LV. Half of the people inside can very well afford the stuff on sale. They want it, they don't need it. The other half... fools who scrimp and save and lead sad, meaningless lives just to buy a little piece of heaven. School girls who squander their parent's hard-earned money on handbags to small to carry their books. Love smitten boyfriends empty their life-savings to splurge on their girlfriends. Aunties, desperate to show off their status to majong kakis, purchase items at the expense of their children's education funds, and return home to HDB flats with huge outstanding mortgages. Fools. 

Branded stuff? Don't really have any. Those that I use are gifts. Never really bought any. The people say you dress like shit how? People think you cannot afford how? People look down on you how?!!??

Lol. These people laugh at you for not having "it", what ever "it" may be. Who are these people to you? Nobody. I only want to be respected by the people who MATTER to me. My parents, my relatives, my true friends. In today's twisted society, it is sadly often not the case. We don't care about people who should matter the most to us! Instead, we go about impressing and seeking the respect of our friends, total strangers and just about anyone who bothers to throw a glance at you. Shit! And it was your parents who gave you the money buy that LV bag!

Hahaha like I said, Fools. They're all around you. Just open your eyes. 

And laugh, because the last laugh truly belongs to you. 

Bintan Photos & Videos!

Just reviewed the photos and videos from Bintan! Some great pictures in there. =D And some of the videos were hilarious. Hahaha especially the air-rifle ones. Loved it when I took so long to aim, then paused and said: "Quite hard ah...". And the one where Jasmin spreads a layer of foam over her hair like a hair-band. Made her look super cute. 

Hmmmm looking at the photos makes me recall how beautiful the scenery there was. The resort feel was certainly there, and just taking in the views from the photos was relaxing. Really glad we took the time to take lots of photos and videos. The next time I find it a chore to take pictures, I must remind myself of my Bintan trip.

Monday, February 16, 2009

All about you.

Things are starting to be all about you. Never occurred to me before, but it just struck me over the past few days. 

I wonder how many times have you called me and I gave you the cold shoulder because I was feeling crappy or unhappy.... damn I don't remember any.

How many nights have I not said to you "I love you" because I was tired, upset at you, irritated or moody.... damn I also don't remember any. 

How many times have I sent you angry SMSes because of something you did that upset me, but you didn't know what on earth you did... Shit, I also don't remember.

But, how many times have YOU done the above to me? 

Time to rethink your life. I'm not gonna let you ruin my days because you're "unhappy". No more feeling down because you're upset too. I'm starting to think I don't need this crap from you anymore. There's a line between being a good boyfriend, a shoulder to cry on, providing a listening ear whenever you're upset, and the person who carries all your troubles for you. I'm here to share your troubles and complaints, not to feel like shit just because you feel like shit and have mood swings. 

If you have been wondering why we seem a little distant over the last few days, you're probably spot on. I need to find out if you're more than I can handle, or want more from me than I can give you. 

You've crossed the lines already. Asking me to be your personal dog and retrieve money for you to pay for your luxuries was an eye-opener. I didn't argue it out with you right there and then because I wanted you to enjoy yourself. But you didn't understand, nor appreciate me withholding feelings. 

Starting little fights daily is also becoming part of your routine. You haven't noticed it, but I have, since about a month ago. I have told you that you are the reason why you are disappointed so often, and I now dare say that you are also the reason why you are upset so often. You seem to think that the people you argue with are the ones finding fault with you, but I'm telling you now, you're the one stirring up trouble. Isn't it common now, you being moody and upset at me over something I've done in the morning, and me sweet-talking you in the evening. Why on earth must I punish myself before I go to bed on so many evenings? 

I know your expectations of a boyfriend, and I've told you that some of them are unreasonable, or down right ridiculous. Have you asked for my expectations for a girlfriend? They're nowhere near as fairy tale as yours and damn right easy to achieve. 

I read this article in the paper today. It was on Venetta Lopez and her outlooks on life. One quote caught my eye. It was regarding her divorce, and how it has changed her. She said something along the lines of: "Quit whimpering and whining about life when you're married, when you're partner is attracted to someone else. Instead make yourself more attractive to your partner." 

Stop all your expectations and demands that I show my love for you. I know you have been understanding and accommodating towards me. But there is still this whole lingering sense of insecurity and need for closeness that I feel around you. 

You tell me that we'll probably break-up because I will stop loving you first. Well, sad to say, you're so wrong about that one. You need someone to be there for you all the time, be there waiting for you when you wake up in the mornings and waiting for you when you prepare to sleep. You tell me that you can handle long-distance relationships, I'm telling you that you can't. And its precisely because of the need for closeness and the feeling of being loved that you so require everyday. It will take time for you to recognise it, but it is undeniable. Getting upset whenever I don't answer phone calls, or take longer than necessary to return your calls or "ignore" you is not purely a mistake on my part. Through these I can infer that you need closeness, need to feel loved all the time. And when you feel that you're not getting enough, you pull a tantrum, to get attention, closeness and more love. Its a vicious cycle I hope you can see.

How about I try it when you're working. You can see that it will be especially effective for me to do the same to you when you're on hospital attachments. Needless to say when you're working. Childish stunts. I know it when you love me, and I don't need constant reassurances of your love. 

Self-awareness does not equal to Self-realisation. The fact that you admitted to me that you tend to want fairy tale endings in all aspects of your life is good. It shows me that you know you're expectations are too high and are bound to be much lower in life. However, that fact that you complain about people not understanding you and get irritated at me for not providing you with constant reassurances shows me that you have yet to realise and think through points you have picked up about yourself. You know roughly what it is about you that is causing you difficulties, but never really bothered to find out why and how it is affecting your life. 

Lastly, I really regret saying this, because I do not think you are stupid. However, often it is you who fail to understand my point of view, rather than me understanding yours. Most of the time, I have thought over things before I even broach the topic with you. I probably already have a feel of what your stand is before you tell me. I just want to hear it from you. 

You once told me that you will not tailor your life to suit mine. I am telling you now that though I am willing to accommodate you in my life, you are pushing some limits. And I certainly will not tailor my life to suit yours. 

This is not all about you.

Greed.

This past few weeks, I've been getting a clearer view on the state of my assets. Starting to feel more and more greedy, my mind filling with all the "what if"s. Like what if I had a million dollars... what if I had a couple of hundred more.... what could I do with a thousand? Not so good. Don't want money to become another sin I'll be addicted to. Yet money does make the world go round and round. And round. Its impact on lives is undeniable, unavoidable. We all want money, we all NEED more money. How many of us can truly say that we have enough, and money doesn't matter anymore? Probably only the filthy rich. But then again that's because they're filthy rich. Put them in a 2 room HDB flat with a couple of thousand dollars in their POSB account and you'll hear them sing a different song. No one has enough money. Yet trying to make more money evokes greed, jealousy, hatred, pride, and a whole host of other sins. Hmmmm. Then the age old question strikes me as I was reading the papers and flipping through advertisements of newly launched properties. How to increase my assets quickly? No.1 I don't have a lot of money. No.2 I need a lot more time. Hahaha Damn. 

I aim to be more successful than my parents. Yet I don't wanna become successful without repaying them on the way. How do I achieve a balance doing this? I need all the funds I can get my hands on if I wanna start early. Then again, I want to repay my parents while they are still young, so that they can start to enjoy themselves early.

Quite interested in venturing into the property market... But damn, I don't know much about economics and taxes and levies and all that red tape shit. So this is an area in which I need my mum's knowledge of the property market. Hmmmm.

Saw a government agency reply on the high cost of HDB flats even during the current economic crisis. 2 room Built To Order HDB flats in Choa Chu Kang, Ponggol and Yishun were going for as little as $76,000 to $90,000. 3 roomers were starting at $100,000 to $130,000. Of course, the location is shit, and there'll probably no amenities near where the flat is. But it is near a MRT.... My point is... I'm only in my early twenties.... and if I could start small when I'm young... imagine... Sadly, I still don't have enough in my CPF or in the bank to foot that amount upright. But I may have enough for a down payment or a deposit.. Then the loan from the bank can be repaid using rental income from the flat... But then again who knows if I'll be able to get a steady tenant. So many factors to consider... plus I don't even have a steady income. Tsk Tsk. Looks like I've gotta put off starting young for a while... probably until I graduate... when I'm 26 years old and earning my first year of income... Buy my first flat in Singapore. =D

Aim for the Stars, and even if you fall, you fall on the Moon. 

Dreaming is not what people do when they sleep, dreaming is what keeps people from sleeping.

Nerd Resurrection.

School's starting soon. And I wanna go back, can't wait for my life in Melbourne to resume. Love studying there, though I may miss home once in a while. Miss all the games I play with my friends between classes, love the studying and learning new things, love the dissection and the tutorials. New friends, new topics, new year. Hmmmmm I wanna feel independent again, though I love feeling like there's someone else to put some order in my life. My mummy. Hahaha. Thankfully she's coming along. So I'll get a bit of independence, yet I've got someone strong to rely on. 

This year will be better. =D

Bintan Holiday.

Recently went on a holiday with darling Jasmin! A nice and relaxing 3D2N stay at Nirwana Resort Hotel in Bintan. Nice sandy beaches... actually the beach was nice and picturesque, but the sand was a little hard. Hahaha. Anyways, spent time there just winding down and enjoying ourselves. A good break from the past month of slave work I've been doing. And it cost me $330 in total. Awww man I should do something like this every year. 

Day 1: Ferry to Bintan. Lunch at Pasar Oleh Oleh. The most disgusting Indonesian economic rice I've ever seen. But the food tasted good. Just that most of it was visually disturbing. Like flies all over the food, cow's lungs, heart, liver etc all over the place, and this weird seafood combo that Jasmin ordered which was a mixture of everything that has a shell and lives underwater. 

The hotel room was good, a little beyond my expectations I must say. For the prices we were paying, I kinda expected something a little shabby and well used. Alas that was not the case. Enormous bed, nice wooden furnishings, and large airy bedroom. Almost perfect. Only the bathroom was a little dingy, but really, its a bathroom. 

Spent time at the pool as soon as we could. I liked the way the pool overlooked the sea. Like the end of the pool blended away into the sea line. Those swimming pool which have no boundaries around the side facing the sea. Good stuff. Spent a few days trying to drown Jasmin there but failed. Too fat she displaced too much water when I try to push her underwater. 

Dinner at Pasar Oleh Oleh was a delightful affair. The ambience was just right, with a mini band playing oldies, dim yellow lights, and attentive waiters. As usual Jasmin tried to over order, but I managed to cut down on some dishes she didn't really want. But I must say that it was a very satisfying dinner, the Dong Dong was soooo good, so was my steak. Ooooh loved the coconuts too, thanks to Jasmin. Cost only $49 for the two of us. 

Day 2: This day was mostly spent lazing around the resort. We swam a lot more than on the first day, frolicking in the pool. Man, that was the good life. 

Went to do some air rifle and archery. Both were so fun! Archery took a lot more strength than I imagined, and aiming the arrow was easier than I thought. But I took quite a long while to actually aim the arrow,  and my arm was shaking from the strength I needed to draw the bow. Difficult skill indeed. 

Air rifle was more fun I reckon. Sadly none of my army training shit worked for me. All that breathing crap and slowly pulling on the trigger. That stuff was for rifles with heavy metal bullets and recoils. Air rifle guns were light, did not have any recoil and shot light metal pellets. Better still, they all had telescopic sights. Damn difficult la! Omg I have new found respect for army snipers. The cross-hairs shook and wavered off target every time I breathed, and the targets were so small I could barely keep the cross-hairs steady on them. It felt damn good whenever I hit a target. I love shooting the swinging cans!

Jasmin was born for war I tell you. Xena girl was way better at picking off targets than I was. She could shoot further that I could, and hit more targets than me. Hahaha damn, and I was thinking of challenging her to paint ball. Luckily we had this so I can save myself some painful shots.

Dinner was a exceedingly good. We ate at the coffee shop restaurant at the hotel. The theme buffet of the night was Indian cuisine. Surprisingly, Jasmin agreed to the buffet, and we both had a smashing good time stuffing ourselves! Jasmin tried to flirt with the Indian cook in the hope that he would personally cook and serve her roti-pratas. He did. Poor sucker. But his recipes were excellent, and his dishes were amongst the best I ever tasted. The bill came up to $84, but it was worth every penny! I had an alcoholic milkshake, and tons of scallops and mussels at that. Not forgetting to mention the tandori lamb, which was tasty and tender, as well as that dish with the goat cheese in it. Mmmmmm. Fattening ourselves up in preparation for the hardship in Melbourne. Lol.

Day 3: I love continental buffet breakfasts! Nothing like stuffing yourself with yummy food in the morning, and starting off the day with your stomach bulging. Avoid swimming when very very full. 

Went back for more air rifle. Jasmin owned me again. Shameful. Need to secretly practice and own her back. 

Dinner was rushed, and had we more time, it would have been perfect. I managed to get some crab, my first time ordering by weight kaez! 600 grams was quite a lot of crab. I mean the pincers were huge, and you could like hold the claws and the pincer flesh was like a huge white ice-cream. Then you just bite and bite at the sweet and succulent meat! Oooh the black pepper crab was simply mouth-watering. Ordered a medium Dong Dong! Owned the whole plate. Fed a lot of the little snails to Jasmin. She's a little snail lover at heart but doesn't know it yet. The usual two coconuts and a plate of calamari. Mmmmm, pity we had to rush it all down within 30 minutes. 

After dinner we got shoved into and out of buses and finally onto the ferry back to Singapore. Almost like being deported, but not as jialat, like you won't die on the journey and when you reach the shore they won't put you back into a shittier boat and send you back into sea. Hahaha. 

Very very good stuff, my first self-planned holiday. I hope to start small, and plan bigger holidays! Perhaps next year I might think of actually taking a plane somewhere. If the budget allows for it. Hahaha. Mmmmm bitten by the travel bug. Thanks to my darling who spent the whole holiday with me, so many good memories generated there. Gonna appreciate resorts a lot more from now. 

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Money Money Money

Money matters. Sorted it all out with my personal financial banker, the mummy. This mummy ah, shes better than a personal wealth planner. All these years, confirm grow your money, recession after recession. Simply amazing, I've never doubted her skills and instincts, and will never. All the interest she adds for me over the years can put Singapore and Aussie banks to shame.

Anyways, made it clear with her that I have no intention of living on her money any longer than I have to. I told her clearly that I wanted to pay for my holiday with my money. All the big ticket items from now on will be paid by me... Only living expenses and school fees she'll have to foot.. Don't want her to work so hard for the money, and me spending it all. I want her to enjoy her hard work, when shes not yet so old. She deserves it, deserves a standard of living far higher than what shes giving herself at the moment.

Don't want her to work so hard anymore... I want her to enjoy life... Shes got nothing left to prove... everyone at work respects her, her bosses love her, she's got a nice house, enough to retire, and a family. But working is one of her passions... One that has gripped her too tightly. She feels satisfaction in success, that's alright, that's good! But like what Aunty Jenny's husband said, "I think you need to know when to stop in life." Hope my mummy finds a time where she can finally slow down and lead a more comfortable life.

I see her walking to the market and NTUC, at least 3 km away, and returning with bottles of drinks and the week's shopping, and my heart aches. Why does she do that to herself? To save the bus ride of 71 cents. Even in the blazing hot sun, which gives her migraines, she would walk. If my mum does it to save money, I should follow suit, and besides, I'm using her money. Sometimes I tell myself its good exercise. Most of the time I tell myself its for my mummy.

WhirlWind of Activities

Last week was so hectic... Planning, remembering, analysing, carrying out... Crazy I tell you... Doesn't feel like a holiday... Yet things have never been better in my life... The rewards of a little bit of organisation in one's life are amazing... Working, Jasmin's birthday party, her birthday dinner, her presents, meeting friends... Managed to pull it all off... Wish I can do some of it better, but I don't regret anything at the moment. =D

Theres a dog on the bed now, and its making sick wet noises at the spot where I'm gonna sleep later...